People Used To Make Fun Of Me For Being Fat, Here’s What I Learned
Nowadays, whenever you scroll through your Facebook and Instagram feeds, it isn’t such an uncommon occurence anymore to see a thicker, plus-size person post about their recent trip to the beach, adventure, or outfit from last night without having to "cover up." Thanks to the role models of body positivity like Ashley Graham, Iskra, Lizzo, and all the other celebrities who champion body love, we now live in a society that’s slightly more accepting. One that almost always celebrates inclusivity and diversity.
This is definitely something to celebrate because this hasn’t always been the case. And as I would always put it: we’ve come a long way, but there’s still a lot that could be done. Because while putting the hashtags #BodyPositivity, #BeautyBeyondSize, and anything to that effect makes it clear that you are loud and proud about who you are, it’s not always the same case in the real world.
Growing up fat wasn’t a walk in the park. I could still remember clearly how I was made fun of for not having a prominent neck. How, even as early as six or seven years old, I was always told I had to lose weight. Occasionally, my size became the butt of the jokes when there was seemingly nothing better to talk about. Beach trips gave me anxiety because it’s an unspoken rule that I had to be fully covered so as not to cause lingering stares or snide remarks from bystanders. High school was especially tough because there was so much pressure to look a certain way. Not to mention, there was no way the cute guys would ever want to go out or be seen with the fat girl.
But this is not a sob story. I’m here to tell you that contrary to what you’ve been made to believe, there is more to you than the numbers on that weighing scale. That fat is merely an adjective—you are not, in any way, required to allow a single word be your end-all, be-all. Allow me to share four things growing up fat taught me:
You can’t keep pressing the pause button on your life.
Skinny or fat, being unhappy or insecure about your body shouldn’t be an excuse not to do the things you really want to do. You can’t and shouldn’t be postponing plans hoping that in the next couple of months, you’ll be more satisfied with how your body looks. You deserve to be happy now—regardless of what your body looks like. Life is too short to be putting a pin on things just because you’re scared of how you’re going to look or what other people are going to say.
Anyone who doesn’t accept you, doesn’t deserve you.
Anyone who constantly makes fun of you, makes you feel like you should be pressured into being something else—doesn’t deserve you. Enough said. And you're allowed to say goodbye to these people. That said...
Don’t let you bully yourself.
Hearing people talk about you in a not-so-nice way is one thing. But allowing your mind to bully your body—that’s even worse. If it’s not something you would say to a friend or someone you care about, don’t say it to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the precedent to how other people would treat you.
Changing your body because you hate it won’t make you happier.
At one point, you’ll be made to believe that by looking different, your life will be so much better. But it’s not going to be, until you choose to give yourself a chance. Loving your body for what it is will take you so much farther than hatred ever will. The first step to taking good care of yourself is accepting where you are. Self-love is a long, and sometimes, messy process and it’s never fully finished because it's a life-long journey to loving yourself. But it’s worth enduring because YOU are worth it.
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I've been investing in arts, photography, and writing. I've also got back to reading the other day and I finished reading this amazing book entitled 300 Things I Hope by Iain S. Thomas. It is all about the things the author hopes his readers to do in all aspects of life. So, I decided to make a version of it with all of the things I'm hoping for.
I hope I get to see my friends be successful in life. I hope to make a big mural someday. I hope to be a well-known artist like the artists I look up to. I hope to marry the person I am in love with today. I hope to be a little kinder to myself. I hope to see happiness even in the smallest things. I hope to travel the world. I hope to be a good mother and a wife to my future family. I hope to have my artworks displayed in a gallery or an exhibit. I hope to learn more about creative writing. I hope I won't learn how to get tired and give up my passion. I hope I won't get too hard on myself whenever I don't get the results I've been wanting to see in my works. I hope to love myself more even on the days I hate it the most. I hope to lead and empower women; to be their voice and for them to believe in themselves that they can be the woman they look up to. And when I've reached my limit of these things, I hope I won't get tired of reminding myself that my emotions don't make me weak, hence, makes me stronger. These are some of the things I always hope for. What about you? What are you hoping for?
I started fixing myself this quarantine. I mean, I started trying makeup products. As a teen, I'm on my phone almost every hour of the day, scroll on my social media accounts, especially Instagram, and also Pinterest where you get to see nice and pleasing photography by bunch of amazing and beautiful people from different parts of the world. So I started taking my own as well. I did not know that taking your own photo and try to get an Instagramable one is sooooooooo hard, it's exhausting. I do not have alot of space in my room, and I would definitely not do it outside our house because of Corona Virus, and I don't want to be seen by our neighbors HAHA so I have no choice but to make tiis inside my room.
Out of atleast 25 shots, only 2 are a nice picture. While I'm all sweaty and tired, I am proud of what I could do beyond my comfort zone. And this definitely built my self confidence, (and I secret love the compliments I received from both people I know and don't know) It's not my first time visiting in here, Candy! But I'm new to writing my thoughts and experiences, so bare with me HAHA.
Until next time!
First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.
The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.
There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.