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College Students On The Importance Of Finding Your 'Go-To Person'

Everyone has this particular person in mind when they think about "home."
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Have you ever had a bad day, and just wanted to rant and cry to someone who understands not only your stories but also your frustrations? Everyone has this particular person in mind, the Cristina to your Meredith... your platonic soulmate.

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We need people around us who can motivate us and remind us of our worth in this world. Let’s face it, everybody—even the strongest and most independent people we know—needs someone, most especially on their lowest days. 

We asked college students to talk about their go-to persons and how having them by their sides has helped them surpass the darkest phases of their lives:

Raphael Gono, De La Salle-College of St. Benilde

Who is your go-to person?

 “She's been my best friend for six or seven years now, since grade 9. Oh and co-YouTuber.”

How have they helped you with overcome your feelings of fear, doubt?

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 “What she does is she would load up YouTube then go to this guy [channel] who does inspirational videos… so she gives me motivational videos muna then she motivates me about my past accomplishments and tells me what I can achieve in the future.”

What are the unique ways they've helped you grow as an individual?

“At every stage of my life… she has always been at my side helping me. Like when I started my own business, she helped me by giving me a place to sell and then she motivated me when I lost a lot of money. She also has helped me with all the ventures that I’ve done and even YouTube [vlogging], and I always help her also when she has her own ventures in life.”

What's the most important lesson you learned from them?

“I was able to go farther than I thought I could have because of her.”

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How do you maintain your relationship with them?

“Spontaneous adventures… we plan out adventures throughout the month so Chinatown or like Intramuros, kahit saan. And then we do the same things, I wanted to go to church she got into church also, if I wanted to get into something new she would get into it also… except for TV shows! Sometimes we disagree on TV shows hahaha.

Michiko Mahinay, De La Salle-College of St. Benilde

Who is your go-to person?

 “My ‘go-to’ person is my girlfriend Ester, we’ve been together for one year and nine months now.”

How have they helped you with overcome your feelings of fear, doubt?

 “Well, first if I have a problem or I’m panicking about something, what she does is she lets me cry about it first or panic about it. Then she comforts me and offers a game about this certain problem.  And then she always lets me know that she’s always there and she’s going to help me with whatever is going to happen…”

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What are the unique ways they've helped you grow as an individual?

“She definitely helped me grow as a person, especially [since] I grew up in a toxic home so my mom was verbally abusive to me and I inherited that, I was [also] verbally abusive in my past relationships and she [Ester] made me realize that I shouldn’t be that way to my partners especially when I’m just mad or I’m just in a bad mood. And she helped me learn how to talk calmly especially if I’m feeling angry or whatever, so she really helped me grow in that aspect and she’s continually helping me be the best version I can be.”

What's the most important lesson you learned from them?

“…I worry less now, I am not as paranoid when things go wrong or when I have a problem because I know I can always have someone that I can count on and just having that support system helps me tackle more challenges in my life. I think knowing that there’s always someone to help will help me also be braver in life.”

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How do you maintain your relationship with them?

“I think it is very cliché but, we maintain our relationship by understanding each other and [having] patience mostly because we are very different people—my girlfriend and I. We’re always butting heads actually! We’re always fighting about things that we have different opinions on, but what we do is to understand each other and we respect each other’s opinions, especially in problems and in fights. We always leave room for learning new things about each other and we always accept each other no matter what state we’re in.”

Angelo Millan, De La Salle-College of St. Benilde

Who is your go-to person?

“I would say [my] best friend.”

How do they help you with overcoming your feelings of fear, doubt?

“One, reassurance from advice based on his own experiences… and in the end of it all, the testimonies that are legitimate will help me go through it all. If he can do it, I can do it.”

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How have they helped you with overcome your feelings of fear, doubt?

“It all started when one of the doctors said that my sister got Leukemia. And then, [since then,] I’ve dealt with this kind of anxiety… more of an extreme grief, because the thought of my baby sister going to die is something I cannot live with. My go-to person helped me through reaffirmation from the Word. From what we read together in the Bible, ‘Our current suffering is not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us.’ He told me there’s really a blessing in that brokenness.”

What's the most important lesson you learned from them?

“What I love about my go-to person is, he is not shy when he rebukes. He’s straightforward, there’s no sugarcoating. If I have a problem, he rebukes me but out of love. He tells me time and time again, ‘you need to improve with this,’ then I learn how to do it. So that’s the effect, it’s actually discipline. I was disciplined to be a better person.”

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How do you maintain your relationship with them?

“Casual talks. He actually moved to America, so it’s pretty hard! It’s not high maintenance. We talk every week, but lately, we don’t and we’re not mad or anything because we know he has a job, I have a thing to do. He understands naman e.”

Gelai Pacpaco, Colegio de San Juan de Letran

Who is your “go-to” person?

“My mom.”

How have they helped you with overcome your feelings of fear, doubt?

“She always shares with me her values and wisdom, lahat ng pinagdaaan niya. Kasi gusto niya mag-look back ako doon sa kung paano yung pinagdaanan niya. Lagi niyang sinasabi na, ‘‘Wag ka magreklamo kasi lahat ng hirap na pinagdadaanan mo may kapalit na ginhawa.’”

What are the unique ways they've helped you grow as an individual?

Yung panahon na sobrang down ako and I felt like I lost myself tapos tinulungan niya akong makabangon in a way na she sacrificed yung pangingibang bansa niya para sa’ming magkakapatid. Kasi that time I got hospitalized and hindi niya kinaya yung sitwasiyon na naranasan ko. Nag-decide siya umuwi na lang sa Pinas kasi alam niya sa sarili niya na kailangan siya ng mga anak niya.”

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What's the most important lesson you learned from them?

Mas naging mature ako… dahil nga sa pagtulong niya sa’kin na makabangon, na-realize ko na mas marami pa pala akong bagay na dapat i-look forward to. I should always look on the brighter side kasi parang lahat naman ng struggles, struggles lang ‘yan. Ibig sabihin nag go-grow ka kapag nararansan mo yung struggles.

How do you maintain your relationship with them?

Kasi yung relationship namin ni Mommy parang kami magtropa, pero kahit na gano’n alam ko pa rin yung limitation ko as a daughter, nirerespeto ko pa rin siya. Kahit na 20 years old na ako ngayon takot pa rin ako sa kanya. Mas naging open ako sa kanya, ayoko magsinungaling sa kanya.”

Of course, it's important to remember having a go-to person isn't just about what they can do for you, but what you can do for each other. Be just as available to them when they need you, and know when boundaries need to be set. Yes, you can count on each other no matter what, but you can't help other people if you yourself are running on an empty tank.

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*Minor edits have been made for clarity.

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