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Girl Code: The Heart Wants What It Wants

Sometimes, you just can't fight it.

SAM

Dear Diary,

Okay. Let's try this diary thing. Journaling. Whatever it is people call it. So... am I basically writing to myself? Like talking to myself? Okay. This is weird. Whatever, Lissa recommended I try keeping track of my thoughts so here I go.

A month since Ben and I broke up and we have not spoken to nor seen each other. It’s so weird. How does someone that used to be a part of your life every day just disappear? I’m still upset that he thinks this is all my fault. It’s so typical of him. I can’t really figure out my feelings these days. Do I miss him? Maybe I miss being somebody’s girlfriend more than I actually miss him. Having someone who knows everything about me. Like how I cry whenever the animals die in movies so he fast-forwards those parts… or that a good cheeseburger is all I need to turn a bad day around. It’s scary thinking about meeting someone new and waiting for them to learn all these things about me. Ben was so… familiar. He was home. I get it, though. I’m only 22 years old. I have my whole life ahead of me, as mom always says. I wonder how many times I’m going to have to do this whole dating thing before I find “the one.” God, that’s so cheesy… but it’s gotta be true, right? I mean, there must be someone out there who I’m going to end up with. Someone who can put up with my Snapchat addiction and shopping obsession and doesn’t think I’m shallow. Mom said that I should find someone who pays attention to my details. That sounds exhausting. I think I need to be single for a while. Focus on myself. Focus on work. Focus on friends and family. I talked to Rae yesterday. Well, we did this note thing that we used to do when we were younger. It was cute. I was supposed to watch The Notebook and ugly-cry with her. I should go see what she’s up to now.

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Hey, this diary thing is helping.

XOXO
Sam

RAE

Flipping through the pages of an issue of Candy, I waited for my pedicure to dry. I know, I know. Rae getting a pedicure? I 'usually allow anyone near my feet (it's a weird thing I have), let alone touch and alter them with sharp, metal things. But grad ball was nearing, and my mom insisted on getting my nails done. She literally dangled my camera in the air until I said yes. Ugh. Mom.

As I'm reading about The Vamps, I see a guy in a blue varsity jacket near me. It's Diego, James's teammate.

"Hey, Rae," he says as he hands me a pack of Polaroid films.

"Wha—?"

Diego just shrugs, laughs, and leaves.Confused, I read the note on the box: Now that your pedi's done, go to the playground to have some fun! X

The manicurists at the salon giggle and push each other. Are they in on this, too?

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I put my sandals on and am about to pay until I’'m told that "it's already been taken care of." By whom?! I fast-walk to the playground down the street, and I see another teammate, Seth. He dribbles a ball and chest passes it to me. I fumble and am about to bend down to pick up the ball when I feel Seth's hand grasp my shoulders from behind. Then he blindfolds me. Ohmygod am I getting kidnapped?! I'm about to kick and scream for my life until I hear a familiar voice say, "Relax. It's just me. Follow my lead!"

Mom?!

I'm too stunned to speak, so I just follow. Seth guides me inside a car I assume is Mom's by the familiar bubblegum air freshener scent. Seth is beside me, so Mom must be driving. Oh God we're gonna die. I hear Mom start the engine and say, "Buckle up, honey! We're going to the beach."

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CHARLIE 

Raya calling

Charlie: Oh my god, giiiirrrrllll, I see them!!

Raya: Huh? Who? Please tell me you're looking at the Azkals right now.

Raya: Please ask Neil Etheridge for his autograph!!!!For me. Please.

Charlie: Ugh, Raya, nooo!

Charlie: I see Rae and James!! They're together right now! In the court!!!!

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Raya: Ah... you got me all excited, girl!

Raya: hahahha they're at your home. Jk don’t kill me.

Charlie: Nah, dude... ahh well kinda true. Was tryna practice this lay-up trick I saw on TV, but I'm failing horribly.

Raya: Or are you failing horribly, because you see them?

Charlie: ...maybe.

Charlie: Aghh, I'm still at the court. They're still here.

Charlie: I mean there are a ton of people here right now, so I don't think they noticed me.

Charlie: Never mind, James just waved at me.

Charlie: Rae waved at me too.

Charlie: RAYAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Raya: What?? Hey, that means they're nice!

Charlie: Do you think they’re together again?

Raya: Well, in my opinion, I highly doubt it. They could just be casually hanging out.

Raya: I mean, you just randomly hang out with guys too, you know.

Charlie: But... 

Charlie: I'm just really sad right now. I feel like my heart is at the bottom of my stomach right now.

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Raya: Look, Charlie. I know you've been crushing on this guy for ages. I know it's difficult to not like him. Your heart doesn't choose who to like, or who to love. You just do. It's difficult, but you have to move on from him. But just because you've moved on doesn't mean you love him any less. You moving on will mean that he won't distract you and hopefully, it will make you love yourself more. Charlie, what's not to love about you? You're beautiful and amazing. The heart wants what it wants sometimes, but sometimes, you can’t always get what you want.

Charlie: I love you, Raya. I think I'll change first. I need a long nap. Bye, see you soon, please.

Raya: See you soon too, best.

LISSA

12:14 AM. I'm done feeling like I'm living half a life.

5:30 AM. Bus left on time. Thank God. Where am I going? I don't know. When am I coming back? I don't know. All I know is I need to do this. I want to do this.

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Seb: Hey  Seb: Where are you? It's sushi day with your brothers.  Seb: Picking you up around four. :)  Seb: Lissa?  Seb: Getting worried over here Seb: Please answer my calls  Seb: Lissa don't do this to me.

Kuya Darren: Came over and nobody answered. What's the deal?  Kuya Darren: Liss, it's been three hours. This isn't funny.You always reply within five minutes...   Kuya Darren: Where are you?!

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 Sam: I HAVE A THOUSAND MISSED CALLS FROM YOUR BROTHERS. WHERE DID YOU GO???  Sam: I love you but this disappearing act isn't cute.  Sam: We have to go to the police in 48 hours if you don't show up soon. Please pick up. I'm worried sick.  Sam: DAMMIT, LISSA, THIS IS NOT NORMAL. You never do this.  Sam: Call me when you're done being crazy.

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About the author
Gaby Flores
Girl Code author
When she's not taking three-hour naps, watching makeup vlogs, or drowning in microscope slides of 48-hour chick embryos, Gaby spends her downtime with her jammies on and her nose in a book. As a self-confessed bibliophile, reading has always been her first love, and it's been that way for as long as she can remember. It started as an addiction to Dr. Seuss' Bartholomew and the Oobleck when she was barely three years old, and it has grown into a fervent love for the written word. In fact, it's from her favorite book, The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro, that she gets the inspiration to write about someone so radically different from her: Rae. Writing each chapter as the soft-spoken, sensitive Rae is a challenge for someone as effervescent as Gaby, but she takes it the way she does an impossible Embryology exam: with a prayer, a lot of verve, and the excitement of venturing into the unknown.
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About the author
Chandra Pepino
Girl Code author
Chandra is 20 years old, a graduate of Ateneo de Manila University, and a writer for Candy Magazine and Real Living online. She writes to heal herself, not from pain, but from curiosity—the world is mad and cold, but writing warms her soul. You will find her nose buried in the works of Chuck Palahniuk and Haruki Murakami, but in real life, her loved ones are her muses. Lissa is, in a lot of ways, Chandra’s twin, and yet her polar opposite: she is impulsive, introverted, and very, very hard on herself. But Lissa is also loyal to her friends, and when she finally falls in love, you’ll find that she falls hard and fast. If you ever see Chandra in person, say hello. She'd love to have coffee with you. Conversations are her favorite.
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About the author
Joanna Kennedy
Girl Code author
As a former member of the Candy Council of Cool, Joanna is no stranger to writing for Candy Magazine. Inspired by fleeting expressions, old photographs, song lyrics, and illustrations, she started writing on a private blog at the age of 14. While it started off as a hobby, the daily practice of writing short fiction turned into a full-blown passion. Aside from writing, she owns a bar named Walrus, works in events, and is a travel junkie! Frequently found soaking up the Philippines' beaches, her next travel dream is to hike in the Himalayas and backpack across Mongolia on horseback.
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About the author
Niña Alvia
Girl Code author
Eighteen-year-old Niña was never a Team Captain, nor was she a part of any National Team (spoiler alert!), but her world revolves around sports. Now she lives vicariously through the character of Charlie, tackling issues such as teenage angst and struggling with change. Niña is a Sport Studies major in UP Diliman, and may look familiar to UAAP fans as this season's Courtside Reporter for UP. Aside from writing quick reports about the UAAP games, she blogs about her personal musings along with her sartorial attempts on ninaalvia.blogspot.com. Her favorite writers are Margaret Zhang, a blogger, and J.K. Rowling.
VIEW OTHER ARTICLES FROM Niña

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Serene Fae 18 hours ago

"The paradoxical idea of attaining a happier life and how to withstand these beliefs."

The Revolting Truth About Happiness by Theserenefae

If people ask you about your vision of a happier life we automatically envision ourselves having more money, true love, a better job, Instagram-worthy vacations, etc. But let me break this to you this, According to Dr. Laurie Santos, Professor of Psychology at Yale University and the voice behind The Happiness Lab podcast, "Most of the goals we think would make us happy do not really make us happy." And why is that? Simple, being happy is all in our minds. The human mind ploys us with these lenses on how we envision ourselves and our lives to be happy. The perception of "having" or "gaining" is the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. So how can we really be "happy"?

• Seek happiness inside you. This is a quintessential reason for our vision of happiness: misconceptions about having a lot of money would make me happy; owning this and that would make me happy; entering a relationship would make me happy. This is not the case, if you want to be truly happy with your relationship, you have to be already happy on your own. If you want satisfaction from others, you have to be satisfied with yourself. And so on.

• Fill that hole righteously We all have that tiny hole inside our hearts, tampering it with temporary band-aids. Fill this hole with purpose. Have you ever heard about The Three "M's"— Master, Mission, and Mate? Define who will be your Master, is it God? If that's so, your Mission could be following his words and will. Mate would be the last for they will be the best companion to fulfill your mission. Now hear me out, it is important to do this accordingly. We often times jumble it or invert it which can lead to failures.

• Give gifts to others. The wonderful grace in giving. There’s nothing like the rush of pure joy when you get a chance to give. However, this may not be something that we're used to. But apparently, openhandedness is our soul's true shape. As Eugene Peterson put it, "Giving is what we do best. It is the air into which we were born." This doesn't necessarily mean we have to give away our stuff but we can also present love, kindness, gratefulness, etc. in our own simplest ways to anyone such as giving time, encouragement, helping hand, or even forgiveness. Try giving and you'll receive inconceivable gifts in return.

• Savor moments. Savoring deeply intensifies our positive emotions while doing something that we love the most by simply stepping outside of the experience to review and appreciate the moment. You can practice this by having a delicious meal, reading a good book, or any activity that you enjoy and love. It can also be enhanced by sharing these experiences with others, appreciating such amazing moments, or staying present the entire time.

• Choose to Love Deeper Today's society relentlessly pressures all of us to have this "perfect" lifestyle such as pursuing careers that drain you, finding value through virtual world and purchases, letting achievements become your whole identity, and yet after all that you still feel empty and failure inside. Consumption is just skin deep—a shallow perception of happiness. Deep life brings the best out of us and others. It is about nourishing what you already have, focusing on the relationships than material wealth, becoming vulnerable at times, and being self-aware.

• Understand that Sufferings and Pain are part of Human Being. Always remember that loneliness and sufferings are inevitable. That is completely how life goes. You may be happy for a moment or a month but sooner or later great tribulation will start to kick in. Combat despair with graciousness. Count all the blessings that you have (and will have in near future, claim it!) by writing it down on a piece of paper or typing on your phone. Viola! an instant boost for happiness. We all know the fact that this superficial happiness won't work, but why do I keep on wanting? I already have all this wisdom about how to be happy for ages, but why can't I apply it to my own life?

First, you have to understand that simply knowing doesn't change your behavior. Care to realize that all the tips that I have mentioned are all verbs? Because at the end of the day, it is all about how you choose to be happy and initiate actions towards success. Know, reflect, visualize, believe, and do something about it. All of these are Actions! This is the secret of all the happiest and most influential people in the world—actions. Furthermore, do know that some of these tips do not work instantly most of the time. It requires a lot of time, motivation, consistency, and effort. I do know it's easier said than done. Take each of them slowly, one step at a time.

If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be alive. It may sound contradictory, but it’s true. Pain reminds me that I can feel, along with other emotions. Pain reminds me that I can heal, just like how I did in the past. Pain reminds me that I am strong and I can do better. It reminds me that life can be bitter, and it is up to us to make it a little sweeter (or saltier, depending on what the person wants).

With this epiphany, I take pain in a positive light. It’s normal that it can break me and make me want to stay in bed all day, but having someone or something remind me that there is hope is enough. It’s normal that I cry my heart out, but it’s important to remember that there’s a calm after the storm. If it wasn’t for pain, I wouldn’t be who I am now. It has shaped me and how I look at things. It has changed the way I approach circumstances that can challenge me and my beliefs.

Pain, back then, made me cower in the dark. Pain used to be my biggest fear, and I used to do my best to avoid pain. However, I realized that avoiding pain is like avoiding life. Because of how I wanted to protect myself, I closed myself off to people and opportunities. I used to tell myself that “this will end badly”, or “this is going to hurt in the end”. I always focused on how much pain I might endure in the end that I forgot to enjoy the process.

It’s inevitable, you see? Endings, most of the time, may hurt. It’s natural for us to grow attached to someone or something, and their disappearance might bring us a lot of pain. However, one should always remember that the pain is a reminder of how close you became, how many memories you had. If it wasn’t for pain, life would be pointless. If it wasn’t for pain, we would be nothing.

margaux marie 18 hours ago

19 year old pharmacy student-businesswoman from Pampanga. I, Kimberly Chaile D. Ocampo, started planning my own business back when I was 18 years old. Despite being a student, that did not stop me to work and start up something for me to earn my own money. I was also influenced by my parents who are both hands on when it comes to the marketing world. I have decided to start my own mini restaurant/fast food restaurant recently (Feb 2020) and it was named as “Hungry Hubb”. From the word itself which is “Hungry” we thought of something that would give people the biggest hint that we sell food.

Because of the sudden quarantine, every store was forced to close for our own safety that is why there was a sudden decrease on our sales. But Hungry Hubb managed to survive by focusing on online selling and social media promotion. Our best seller would be Shawarma salad which is mediterranean style. We add authentic Garlic sauce to our shawarma (Which is available in Wrap, Salad, & Rice). Every product that we sell are very affordable and delicious. Our starting price is only 50php. (Shawarma Wrap). For Shawarma Salad (70php). We also have Milktea (60php) and Rice meals such as Lechon Kawali, Chicken barbecue, and Pork Barbecue for only 120 pesos.

And of course, I wouldn’t make it up this far without the help of my family and friends who have supported be from the very start. This is an open letter and inspirational especially to students that want to earn their own money. Nothing is impossible. You just have to be determined enough to turn your plans into reality.

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