Girl Code: See You Again
I saw Ben today! It was great. He showed up late and was a bit aloof about everything, but he sort of warmed up after he saw that I wasn't there to brag about how good my life has been without him. We just caught up over coffee and talked about what our lives have beenlike the past few weeks. It was actually really nice. I miss having a boyfriend but I feel so much better knowing that Ben and I are okay, and that we actually can probably be friends—contrary to popular belief.
It's been a while since we broke up but I guess it's true what they say about time healing all wounds. I wasn't devastated when we ended things, but it just feels like a weight was lifted off my shoulders now that I know we're okay. I do feel a bit drawn to him again... I guess I will always have a soft spot for us. I wanted to text him when I got home, but I can't ruin all my progress and break my "single promise" to myself. Mom told me that she's only had two boyfriends her entire life, and that dad was her second, and that if she could redo anything, she would've taken more time to be single and enjoy her youth.
Ben told me that he doesn't actually think our break up was my fault. I guess those were the words I was looking for the past few weeks. I always knew it wasn't my fault but my pride hoped that he thought so, too. I didn't want to be the reason our three-year relationship went down the drain, but I kind of realize now that of course I was part of the reason. We both were. Sometimes a relationship just runs dry if you don't nurture it.
No regrets though. I will always have Ben to thank for the past three years.
Time to focus on myself. Step 1? Hit the gym. LOL.
RAE & CHARLIE
Charlie: Hi Rae! Sorry, this message is just so out of the blue, but could I bother you for a minute?
Rae: Charlie? Yeah, sure. What's up?
Charlie: Ahhh, thanks! Okay, so as you probably know, the Grad Ball is coming up... Well, I was wondering if I could ask James. Just as a friend. Awkward, I know, but you guys dated, so yeah, I just want to be polite.
Rae: Oh shoot... I'm sorry, Charlie. I thought James told you.
Charlie: Told me what?
Rae: This is awkward, but James already asked me, and I kinda already said yes.
Charlie: Ah, I wasn't aware of that. Recently?
Rae: Just a few days ago. I'm sorry. :(
Charlie: Oh, that's cool.
Charlie: But hey, CONGRATS! :) I'm happy for you guys, really!
Rae: I don’t know what to say... Are you okay?
Charlie: Well, I just expected him to tell me something as grand as that. At least ask for my help or something, I don’t know.
Charlie: I thought he trusted me
Charlie: Hahaha, wait, sorry for suddenly being so emo
Rae: No, no, it's fine. I can imagine how weird this must be for you. I'm up to listen if you wanna talk about it. But if you don't, that's fine, too.
Charlie: I'm seriously seriously happy for you two though. :) He makes you happy, right? Well, you make him the happiest guy in the world, and he deserves nothing less than that—especially at his Grad Ball. It's a win-win situation! :)
Rae: He does. As much as I hate to admit it, he makes me happier than anyone else can.
Rae: Thanks for understanding, Charlie. I know this is weird, so thanks for being so cool about this.
Rae: But anyway, are you still going to Ball?
Charlie: Well, maybe, but I'm not really sure who to take right now. Hahaha weeeww
Rae: Maybe I can help you!! I'm not exactly the most popular kid, but being a school photographer has its perks. I can scope out the cute guys without looking like a weird stalker with a camera.
Charlie: Really??!! You’ll do that?
Charlie: Omg, I’m really sorry for bothering you with this!
Charlie: I mean, you don’t have to help me!!
Rae: I want to! Seriously, I do. Do you have a type? Tall? Dark? Smart?
Charlie: My type… Hmm, I don’t really mind much about “types”. I just really want to be comfortable during Grad Ball.
Rae: Hm… that’s tough to test from looks alone. Do you have someone in particular in mind? That’d help me filter out the guys.
Charlie: Well, I mean.. there is this other guy..
Charlie: But I just met him!
Rae: Who is he?
Rae: Is he your type?
Charlie: Yes, I feel extremely comfortable around him!
Charlie: BUT. I. JUST. MET. HIM.
Rae: So what?! I’m not an expert at dating, but you’re stunning. And sporty. Any guy would kill to have you make the first move.
Charlie: Ugh, I’ll think about it. I crossed him out of my list long ago, because I can just imagine slow dancing with him…
Charlie: Being kilig ain’t so pretty on me
Rae: Girl, with that face, anything is pretty on you
Rae: But I’m kinda nervous about the slow dancing, too. It’s been a while since I talked to James.
Charlie: I bet you and James will be fine! Psh, you two, slow dancing? That’s probably the best pair ever.
Rae: Kilig isn’t even in my vocabulary. I’d look like an idiot. Crap. I don’t even have a dress yet. Maybe I should just skip Ball? James will understand, right?
Charlie: Hahahahha! Are you kidding me? Kilig looking bad on you?
Charlie: Girl, you never look bad!!!!
Rae: :P whatever, Charlie.
Charlie: If you don’t mind me asking, how did you fall for James?
Charlie: Sorry for being so cheesyyyyyyy
Rae: I don’t think it was just one thing that made me fall for him. The little things just added up. But I remember the moment I realized it was real! It was during one of his basketball games. Against the Rockets, I think. He was sprinting, then he had a really, really bad fall—so bad that the entire gym just stopped breathing. When he stood up and said he was okay, that’s when I knew I was in love.
Rae: Now I’M sorry for being cheesy!
Charlie: Wow, that’s so beautiful. Extremely inspiring. At least I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Rae: Feeling inspired to ask the lucky guy now?
Charlie: HAHAHA NO I’M NOT INSPIRED TO ASK BRIAN YET. STOP IT!!!
Charlie: Oh no… Hahaha, please don’t tell anyone!
Charlie: I’M SO EMBARRASSED
Rae: Hahah. My lips are sealed, but judging from the way he drools when you pass by, I’m sure he’d say yes.
Rae: Wait, don’t you have a game tomorrow?
Charlie: Oh gosh, it’s so late! I’m planning to jog in the morning and do some practice drills, gotta sleep soon!
Rae: Oh ok! No prob. Good night. Thanks for being so cool about this, Charlie. :)
Charlie: Before I go to bed, I just wanted to say thank YOU! I didn’t expect this conversation to turn out like this. I wish I’d gotten to know you more back then. Anyway, I’m just pretty grateful for the outcome of this convo, even if I didn’t expect it at all. Hehe thank you again! Good night! :)
My To-Do List:
[x] Kiss a complete stranger.
[ ] Grow an indoor plant. Keep said plant alive.
[x] Perfect your recipe for apple crumble pie.
[ ] Get a master’s degree abroad.
[ ] Join that boxing competition your trainer keeps telling you about.
[ ] Read TIME Magazine’s top 50 books of all time. (17/50)
[ ] Do something crazy with your hair. (Options: pastel pink, pixie cut, or shaved on the sides.)
[x] Travel to another country alone.
[ ] Stand up for a stranger you encounter during your commute.
[ ] Go vegan for a month.
[ ] Volunteer in at least three outreach programs this year. (2/3)
[x] Let Sam get you drunk. Like, last-night-was-a-complete-blur drunk.
[x] Power through six plates at a buffet.
[ ] Learn to surf.
[ ] Meet one of your online friends in real life.
[ ] Give your condo the complete overhaul it so direly needs.
[x] Fall in love, for real, for once...and not worry about the repercussions.
[x] Run away. Not for good. But for you.
I wonder when you’ll see me again... I wonder when I’ll see myself again.
But I made a promise to myself, and I’m not backing out this time.
What're you up to today? Submit your OOTD, fanfic, essay, school project, org event, a pic of your latest hobby, or anything you want to be posted on the Candy Bulletin page!
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This is a drawing and a poem I’ve made for a summer love. Our time together was short-lived but the feelings were not.
On a platform we stand
Faces seen all in a blur
Relentless searching led by a spur
To find someone, to feel something
Aren’t we fools to waste away time?
To look for one man’s treasure
Somewhere as ephemeral, as fragile
As a bond built in crime
But aren’t we just like every weary heart?
Hoping for an oasis
In the midst of the desert
Wanting to quench our thirst
Aren’t we all like frosted windows
Of old and battered houses on winter?
Wishing for the sun to give us warmth
To melt the facade so we can show what the inside is made
Aren’t we maven pretenders?
A Casanova? A Temptress? Who made us this way?
A sly fox? A ruthless hunter?
Let down the walls, It’ll be okay
Rushed for a hug, now no hesitating
Engulfed by a sense of bliss or was it longing? Eyes wide-open,
Stepping on a quicksand I embraced the fall into the deep end
Gazed at you lying there unaware With you, found something rare I swear
Realization dawning as loud as a thunder
As the Beating of your heart put me into a deep slumber
Waking up from this reverie
Truth slapped me back to reality
Two worlds so different, now I see If only I could I’d be anything and anyone you need me to be I’m the ludicrous clown, you see
Thought if I ruin it first I’d be free
From the doubts brought by my own insecurity I was so wrong,
What a tragicomedy Brought by the month of April
We rushed the ticking of clock to May Hands interlocked
Weaved skin to skin on a rainy day But when June came to say hello, all went dark grey
What was once there ceases to exist Like the wilting of a flower
Once so beautiful, so full of life Now turned into dust by death’s kiss
Unbounded joy brought by your presence
Paralleled with the perennial ache of your absence Yearned for and offered seventh heaven
Now the heart weeps for evanescence
A mirage, to be the fair maiden The sorrow to find out I’d end up our own villain
But all’s well for you are but a distant dream Gamaliel, You are, I knew it from the very beginning .
Written by me, the one-shot story
Coffee is about a girl who used to cherish moments with someone in a cafe. Sometimes, a simple drink can leave an imprint on someone's mind. ____________________________________________
It's been a year since my boyfriend and I broke up. I love him and he loves me too but things just didn't worked the way it should be. Now I'm heading at the cafe where we started and ended. I have no choice but to go there after all it was made up of both happy and sad memories. But that's life , right? We can't be happy all the time. Challenges come and hearts can break. But it doesn't just end there.
"One signature coffee , please." I said as I ordered from the cashier.
"What size?" she asked.
"Small." I said.
Then she took my payment and I headed towards the seat near the window. A window seat.... for two. The cafe was surprisingly full tonight unlike the past few days.
Again, I have no choice but to sit on that window seat. It is where we sit often. It is our seat. Our place. There are a lot of couples at the cafe and wow I'm alone. There's a part of me which says you should be happy because he's not the only guy in this world. Another part of me says you're still hurt so don't pretend to be happy. The truth is , I am both happy and sad. I'm happy because we're both free and we can focus more in our careers. But I'm sad because I'm not the other half of his heart anymore. I'm sad because I let him go even though I still love him. I'm sad because I can't see him. I'm sad because I can't share this relaxing coffee shop where we can chill with the aromatic smell of the coffee.
"Small signature coffee?" the waitress said as she serves my coffee.
"Yes. Thank you." I said.
"Since you're a regular customer here, we would like to give you this item for free." the waitress said. She handed me a purple journal with the name of the cafe on it and a pen.
"Oh thanks." I said .
"Enjoy your coffee!" she said.
I took advantage of using the freebies from the cafe. A window seat is also a bonus in inspiring me to write something. While sipping my coffee my brain and my heart began to function smoothly.
And so I wrote: My coffee has been cold lately, I can't feel anything after taking a sip and there's no heat to leave a pain on my lips. And it was a relief. But then, I remember one thing about sipping a cold coffee instead of a hot one: cold coffee doesn't leave you any marks when you sipped it, just like a blunt feeling. But a hot coffee will leave you a remarkable pain from the heat which reminds you that you are alive to feel....
I closed the journal and stared at the window. He was the coffee. The hot coffee. No matter how our breakup hurt me, he left me a mark and a lesson to learn. A hot coffee can be a challenge too or an obstacle. They all made you feel that you are alive. That you can go on with your life. You can still stand up. Love taught me to move forward. He taught me to be stronger. He is love.
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A BROKE FANGIRL/FANBOY
One of the proudest things as a fan is the feeling that you are part of their growing fandom and stardom. From streaming their songs online, watching their music videos, TV guestings, collecting photocards, albums, lightsticks, attending to their concert and fan meetings surely, you're a fan! But there's a problem, MONEY.
It's really heartbreaking when you hear that members of your favorite band are coming and their concert is just around the corner but here you are thinking of how to sell one of your kidneys just to go to their concert (kidding).That no matter how much you try to save, it will never be enough for a ticket because you are only a student who has limited resources or if you're an adult, you have bills to pay. So joining a "team bahay" livestream is your last resort, but sometimes even those links don't work!
Of course if there's team bahay there's also "team airport/ team labas", fans who waits at the airport hoping to see their idols upon their arrival. How we wish we could also attend and be part of it, something like shouting their names, fanchants then cry out of happiness while waving their lightsticks or banners. What a concept isn't?
Hey, cheer up! being broke doesn't make you any less of a fan. Know that there are other ways to support and love them. For sure our idols have the same and equal love to us no matter what "team" we belong (team concert, team airport/labas and team bahay).Maybe for some people, they might think we are being overly dramatic without knowing that for us fans, their existence itself and music saved us and made us happy once in our lives. -Gwy June 16,2020