I always thought that there are some things in life that you just can't kick out of your head no matter how purposefully you try; that there is no greater force that you can use to just shrug the profuse emotions off. There will be moments when you'd realize how much of a sentimental slash pathetic person you are because after all these years, you're still stuck reading the same book that he already finished.
READ: Note to Self
For the longest time, I thought that the sheer undisclosed formula of moving on was time. But I figured out it was acceptance. The problem was, I didn't guard my heart. So I allowed all kinds of envy to take over my system. I was bitter over the thought that he didn't choose me. But I realized life doesn't work that way, I have free will to pick who to love and who to not love, and so does he. I went through the typical unrequited love that didn't do me any good. But I have to admit that I amassed a lot of life morals. And those, I think, were the only consolation.
READ: To My First Love
I actually loved the pain that it caused me because it was a poignant reminder that I didn't want to feel it again. And in those moments, only God knew how my emotions have gone haywire. I thought I lost my sanity—because I kept it all inside—but He gave me strength to carry on and to accept the things just as they were. And somewhere along the way, I met someone who made me feel all the love that I thought I lost. And he willingly picked me, even in times I thought I was still a mess. I love him and I am grateful to God for him. We're going on three years now, and all the pain about the past was already swept away.
But to the guy of the past, for what it's worth, John Mayer said, "it's just a phase, it's not forever." He's right. You were just a phase. And my shadow days are over now.
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