Features

From Our Readers: Win or Lose, Is It Still You I'll Choose?

I wasn't interested in the game, I just wanted you.
ART Trixie Ison

They say it's all a game, but I don't even know if you're playing. I've been playing for months, but I don't think you know that the ball's been in your court time and time again. You being a no-show doesn't mean I win by default—it means I lose.

I lose when I look up and just know you'll be there, my mind so attuned to the way you move and the way you look in my periphery. I lose when I mirror your actions and dress in a way that would make people say we look good together. I lose when a glimpse of you is enough to make or break my day. 

READ: From Our Readers: I Need to Stop Writing About You

I win when you tell me about the things you like—some I already know about, some I'm pleasantly surprised to find out firsthand—and before you know it we've been talking all night. But I lose when I remember it was me who messaged you first. Again.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

I win when you hold your hand up for a high five, then lose when I find out you're just a high-five kind of guy. I lose when I over-think every little thing you do, like the friendly high fives you give away so freely.

I win when our conversations flow day after day after day, our words jumbled and caps locked and emoji-ed. I lose when I give you plenty of hints and openings—none of which you take—because I'm not brave enough to actually make the first move again, not after the last couple of times failed so spectacularly.

READFrom Our Readers: To the Only Guy I Regret Walking Away From

I lose when thoughts of you bleed into my writing, sometimes uncontrollably, like they do now, thus the anonymity. And with anonymity comes honesty, so let's be real: I think a part of you knows I'm playing, and you're letting me down as gently as you can because you're the very definition of nice.

ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW

If it really is a game, then I think I've already lost. The tiny rational voice in my head has accepted defeat long ago, and it's just taking the rest of myself a while to catch up.

Because the truth is I was never really interested in winning this game—I just wanted you. 

READ: From Our Readers: We'll Always Have Friday

Sent in anonymously. Want to be published in this space, too? Send us your story at candymagazine @gmail.com. We'll be waiting!

your REACTION
BOO

0

CUTE

0

EWW

0

HEART

0

OMG

0

YAY

0

/////////////////////////////
COMMENTS. JOIN THE DISCUSSION BELOW!
VIEW more ARTICLES ABOUT
Recommended Videos
About the author
You!
Our Readers
The good stuff straight from our readers! Submit your feels: candymag.com/candy-feels and see them on the site.
VIEW OTHER ARTICLES FROM From
Comments
latest on CandyMag.com
 
x
Share
Borrow your brother's or boyfriend's polo, or shop at the men's section for yourself, and try these looks for your next 'fit.
 
x
Share
It's okay to love your lonesomeness and still be interested in the idea of being in a relationship.
 
x
Share
It wouldn't hurt to check ourselves for toxic behavior through the occasional introspection.
 
x
Share
College is when we really should be making mistakes, because it is also the best place for us to learn from them.
 
x
Share
As a culture-oriented org, it celebrates the Chinese heritage in the Philippines, but not without people having misconceptions about it. Read on to find out the myths about Englicom and what it's really all about.
 
x
Share
How to be good to your skin AND your beauty routine!
LOAD MORE ARTICLES