From Our Readers: When a One-Sided Love Story Finds Its End
For many, a tragic break up of a once love filled relationship is the most painful part of being in love because its ending is not one that's Happily Ever After like in fairy tales.
After the break up, you get your heart broken into pieces and you're left alone like a bird losing its other wing. You sob like a baby for days, cry till 3 in the morning, and wake up like it's another reminder of a painful life. For months, you try to move on and stand up; you forget everything, you nurse your broken heart and pull all efforts to put yourself back.
After a while, you'll be fine. You'll realize that it may not have its own Cinderella ending but the tragic break up tells you it's the end of the love story. Now is a start of something new. You'll be able to start over again.
But for an unrequited love situation, it's different.
You wake up every day always clinging to that spark of hope that one day he'll be your prince who will bring hearts and flowers to your door step. The one who will hold your hand, wipe your tears and make you feel safe. The same man who will come in your way to push back the universe when the world seems to fall apart. And the only man who will define what forever will be like.
While he enjoys himself out there, you're here stuck in the moment and continue to hope and dream for his love. It's a fine line between hoping and dreaming while fooling yourself already. The hope seems to be never ending because at the end of the day you're still hoping that he'll fall for you one day. Blame the hope on those memories when you first met him, when you spent childhood years sharing laughter and tears together, when you sang "Your Guardian Angel" over the phone while he strums his electric guitar.
Back to those days when you were beside him through thick and thin, when you were there in his first heartbreak, when you chose to set aside your feelings for the sake of friendship, when you showed nothing else but your heart and love. These memories have been the foundation of your love story and have sustained you for years.
Years have passed since those memories happened and many things have changed since the first day you met. He maybe a bad ass now but for you he's still the same person you met and fall in love with. You no longer consider that he might have forgotten those memories in which you cling on every day because the love you built for him has consumed your life already. Sometimes reality hits you that you're not the girl he wants, during these times you pretend to start moving on.
For a day, you wake up telling yourself that you accepted reality already but when you suddenly see him with someone else you still shed tears under your duvet. During your drinking sessions, he'll still be the same person you cry about over and over again. He'll still be the summary of all your drunken memories. On your birthday, he will still be the same name you secretly wish whenever you blow the candle on your chocolate cake.
It's an unending self misery, a continuous cycle of hoping, dreaming and fooling because no matter how much pretention you have tried, deep in your heart you're still rooting for the plot of your story- a fairy tale ending.
How will you know if it's the end of your love story? When will you put an end to your self-sustained misery? Love stories have different endings. It could be like the little infinity of Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace or a Happily Ever After like Belle and Beast. For some they end their story chaotic and tearful, while some end theirs with a proper closure.
But for love stories like this, endings are different. It's simple and quiet.
In the middle of nowhere, when you suddenly see his eyes glowing, his lips smiling and for the first time in his life, he's settling. When you see him living his own fairytale being the prince you imagined him to be to another princess whom you have always hoped to be.
You can then tell yourself, "Finally, it's over."
Written by Jhoana Paula Tuazon. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous.
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these sheets that exactly remind me of how I gushed in between my pillow and space you filled in the longing of my burned sorrow put smile to my sober face just like how a three year old receive her lollipop
i searched you everywhere and here you are laying down beside me in my imagination the walls that our screens built a boundary and an obvious message that says i can never have you because you wear clerical shirt and obviously you loved someone else before me
oh god, do I really want this forbidden love? that only exist in my imagination? that only exist through my words? would you, meine liebling, notice me and my art one second? because I am dying to say I love you.
A Simple Learner Who's a Great Pretender
Maybe I'm just a learner, not a weirdo. A learner that knows how to listen and pretend. A simple learner who's a great pretender. Pretending to be slightly dumb enough not to be judged and criticized by those who do not appreciate my existence. We surround ourselves with people who's levels are either beyond or below our intellectual behavior, because as for reality, people may use you either for their success or your downfall. Since then, people tend to judge someone who has an intellect with things they shouldn't be. Making them a criticizer, and most of all, calling them weird.
Honestly, I'm one of this "weirdo" who actually loves to learn things, and for the record, I'm bullied and stressed out for making myself not to learn more and go with the flow to dumbness I had. Have you ever feel being assigned to some task where you know every process to make it easier and faster to finish but turns out to hesitate to voice out because some of your mates put themselves in charge. There are times where I know what to do, what to say, or how to react, but kept myself silent and pretend not to know anything that may help us. Maybe it's a good thing to just go with their ideas and learn from their perspectives, but sometimes you can't control it and says something, and once again called to be a weirdo and let you finish the work by yourself.
It's annoying that you only know one process yet they gave you the whole work and let you finish it by yourself because they insist that "MAGALING KA DIBA?". It's not your fault being an intellectual person, knowing such things that may help you to pursue your dreams, and have the basic knowledge about something. You don't need to know everything, just the basics. And as for those people who do not appreciate your existence, let them be and continue what's the best for you. In some cases, you'll be annoyed by this but most of the time you'll be thankful for it. Not for now but maybe later. Just be yourself either a weirdo, a great pretender, or a simple learner, and always remember to lower your voice and behavior because no one loves that.
Just be a great pretender not to hear any runts and be a good learner that appreciates everything. It's out of nowhere thoughts of mine, but simply I leave you this my favorite life quotation; "Don't introduce yourself, Let your success introduce you"
Dear me in six years, I wonder how life will treat you when you’re already 26 years old. Will you be financially stable? Will you be working in an advertising agency while pursuing everything about the arts? Will you be doing freelancing and living in a condo by then? I don’t know since things are very uncertain. I hope by the time you graduate from college and face the real meaning of the world, you’ll know what the real purpose of doing and living in the art will be.
I know it’s been so tough ever since you turned 20 but that’s how life works, I guess. There will be a lot of hopes and trials, breakdowns, and breakthroughs but I have high hopes of you becoming the better version of yourself. You always do, though. You were never a quitter. Making decisions is getting harder and harder as you grow but I hope it doesn’t make you stop doing what you really love to do. You will face different people with different perspectives. You will feel like a stranger once again, it’s like you were back in your freshmen year. It’s going to be tougher than you’ve expected but you can do it. I believe you can.
Most of the time, people's perception of us as a strong person makes us feel that we are not entitled to be vulnerable because they might be disappointed for seeing our weak spots. And so when we are hurting, we are often scared of extreme emotions and so bury our feelings. We deny them, trying to avoid the pain we feel.
But by doing that, we are just allowing it to come back to us and haunt us. And when it comes back, it might be stronger and it will be harder for us to get over it than when we faced them first. I realized it just now that facing those emotions will scare them until they're gone. The saying 'Let it hurt until it hurts no more' goes true. Admitting your pain to yourself doesn't make you weak. It only proves that you are strong enough to acknowledge such extreme emotions without avoiding them. We are humans and it's okay if we hurt sometimes.
Before, sliding over the rainbows
Now, our hearts are bruised
Days once full of love and laughter
Became dawns of forfeited ever after
Smiles that bring ticklish sensations
Turned to cold question and answer
Figuring who would be the next instructor
The queen’s awake
Grappling to the happiness that the sorrow and sadness take
Going back to all the promises he couldn’t make
Poetry #2: YOUR VOICE
When you talk, your voice brightens my days. You provide me comfort in all the little things that you do. Your deep and mellow voice sends a tingling feeling inside me that makes me want to keep you in my life. I love talking to you every time, every day, every night and every minute if I could. You're someone just simply amazing.