Hey, it's been quite long since we had our last conversation. I still remember how it all started. How we had our daily routine conversations: you would always send me a "good morning" and that would be the first thing I'd see when I wake up,. Though we were never close in person (I can't even remember a time when we talked in person), your short messages never failed to make me smile. It always made my day. It feels nice knowing that when you wake up, you have someone to tell you those kind of things. Your short—but sweet, messages would be the start of our conversation. We would stop just to eat, or if we have some other things to do but then, we'll continue to talk until midnight came, or at least when we're both tired and sleepy.
I remember when Valentine's came. It was just an ordinary day at school for me. I wasn't expecting to receive anything from anyone because I was one of those people who just doesn't care. I know that no one in our school has a crush on me. Dismissal came and my friends and I were about to go home but I was shocked when I saw you holding a bouquet of flowers accompanied by your friend in the parking lot of our school. I didn't know what to do. I thought it was for my sister because you even told me that you liked her. When I got home, I thanked you. We had a small conversation before you told me that you liked me. It wasn't my first time hearing it from a guy. But from you, it was different.
Months had passed when I started to realize that I was kind of falling for you. But I told myself that it can't be true, so I never told anyone.
But one day, our conversation stopped, then it resumed again. Then we started to have this mini cycle when we would talk, then stop for a few days and then talk again, it even took a month before we talked again. A lot of things happened to me and you and it was then I realized that I've had enough of your crap, I've had enough of you. I know I don't deserve to be treated like that.
But then I recieved a letter from you. You told me the reasons why you liked me, why you decided to talk to me, and it turns out you were just doing it for your friend so he could get close to me. You didn't mean to fall for me and that you never really liked my sister.
Weeks passed and then one night, you told me that you heard the news that I was leaving. It was also the same time when you asked me once again if we have a chance. It was probably the nth time you asked me that. I always gave you my explanation that I can't give you any answers because there's a lot of things that can happen in a short period of time. That there are a lot of girls out there. There are a lot of things the world can offer you but you told me I was the one you wanted to be with. You were willing to wait for me until I was ready, that you'll willingly wait for me to come back. But this time around, I answered you not in the way I wanted to, but in a way I know that would benefit the both of us someday. I told you that "no" we don't have a chance. I thought that it was the right thing to do. Right when I gave you my answer, I knew that you'd be gone from me. But I needed to do it, I needed to hurt you now, because I knew that sooner or later, I'd be more attached to you and it would be more difficult for us to leave each other.
I needed to do it, I needed to hurt you now, because I knew that sooner or later, I'd be more attached to you and it would be more difficult for us to leave each other.
So to the guy I secretly liked, I hope that someday you finally realize that we're not meant for each other. I'm sorry and I hope that you find your happiness within yourself and not in others. I hope that you find the right girl for you. I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm done hoping for an us, and I hope that you are, too.
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