I think we had the kind of love that people spend their whole lives looking for. And once they lose it, they spend their whole lives trying to forget. Most people don't understand it because they may never even experience it. And that's okay.
It's okay if people look at me funny when I start crying in the middle of the street. They don't understand the way it makes your heart feel to watch something that was once so beautiful just disintegrate without being able to put it back together. Even if I never get over this fully, even if I never love the same way again, I recognize how lucky I was to be able to feel that much for another human being.
We were two teenagers who didn't understand what love was until we'd fallen too deeply into it. I don't think everyone is given the same capacity for love. I loved you so much that I didn't want there to be anyone else. I still don't want there to be anyone else. I know you don't miss me anymore and I know you don't wish to ever see my face again but if you ever see this, just know that I loved you deeply and honestly with not a bit of selfishness in my bones. I loved you so fully that we didn't need anything else.
One year later and still all I want is to see you happy. It breaks my heart that you're not. I hope one day you'll learn that cheap thrills and parties won't be able to keep you warm at night like I did. They won't be able to listen to your thoughts and hopes and dreams, and they certainly won't be by your side to help you pursue them.
Even if we never get back together, even if I never see you again, I just hope you realize the mess you made. I hope something good comes out of this. I hope you realize how badly you broke me and I hope you never hurt another person the way you hurt me. I never, ever want someone to stay awake till 4 begging to bring you back or to fall asleep shaking at night because they can't get you out of their veins. I never want someone to think of you and fall apart in the bread aisle at the supermarket for no reason other than because it's Tuesday. I never want someone to feel the way I did. I never want you to make someone feel this way again. And I hope nobody ever makes you feel that way.
I know you're going to make someone so happy one day. I know they're going to fall asleep laughing and they're going to fall in love with Monday mornings. I know because I used to be her. Everything with you was beautiful. Experiencing life with you was beautiful. You were beautiful. You showed me and taught me and helped me grow into the person I am today. And part of you will always be inside of me. Thank you for that.
Thank you for teaching me how to open my heart up to that kind of love I had never experienced before. Thank you for trusting me and for allowing me to trust you. Thank you for loving the stupidest parts of me. Thank you for letting me cry (a lot). Thank you for admiring my sensitivity. Thank you for listening. Thank you for every single thing you have ever done for me. You have taught me more than I could ever imagine learning. Thank you for loving me, and thank you for stopping.
Sent in by Christaline Quintos. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!
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