From Our Readers: To the One Who Made Me Feel the Love I Was Longing For
When we were in 10th Grade I fell for you, my MU's friend. I'm not writing this in order for you to see me the way I saw—see—you before. I just want you to know how grateful I am because somehow, you filled the void in my heart that your friend couldn't.
Remember when you let me have a glimpse of your affectionate and soft side? That was when I knew I liked you. But do you know where it all started? It was when Tin, my bestfriend, told me that we looked good together. At first I thought the idea of us was absurd. But when you started looking at me from afar and showing me that smile, that I knew for a fact you only let me see? I started to feel butterflies (the good kind) in my stomach whenever you come near me or sit beside me in class. A part of me knew that you could take care of me better than your friend, my MU. I knew that you would love, respect, care and make me happy more than your friend and so I distanced myself from you.
READ: To My First Love
After some time, I realized that I should be contented and put all of my focus on my MU. I willed myself to think that whatever attraction I'm feeling for you was wrong. Very wrong. It worked, me distancing myself from you. Slowly my feelings for you died, or at least I thought they did.
It was the second night of our sembreak when you messaged me on Twitter. I don't know why I stopped doing whatever I was doing that time in order for me to reply to you, but I did. We talked almost every night since then. You made my feelings for you re-emerge again. I realized that my feelings for you didn't die, I just pushed them to the back of my heart. You told me things that made me fall for you even more. You're romantic, caring, passionate and most of all, a gentleman. I started to see you differently by then. So different.
I started to fall for you even more when we you came back for me on our field trip. We were trekking and I was behind my MU. You were first in line that time. My MU couldn't even look behind to check if I was okay. He moved forward without waiting for me. My mind was clouded with pure hatred and hurt so I lost focus. I came back to reality when I felt water on my right foot. I was so surprised and scared so I screamed. Your friend, my MU, was already ahead of me so he couldn't reach me. I stood frozen when I heard your voice. You were standing in front of me with worry evident in your eyes. One thing stood out in my mind that time. It was my mind saying "He came back for you." I willed myself to move without asking for your help because he was watching me—or us, rather. When my feet stepped on land again, I looked at you. Your face was passive. It almost fooled me to think that you were never worried but then I looked into your eyes and saw relief in them.
I don't know how to deal with the fact that I like you and my feelings for my MU was being replaced by my feelings for you. But then you mentioned this girl, this girl you found gorgeous. She was smart, kind, and beautiful. That night I cried myself to sleep. I was stupid enough to think that maybe, you like me, too. I kept chanting to myself that night "Stupid girl, he doesn't see you the way you see him." Although it wasn't official that time that you like the girl, I couldn't help but to feel hopeless. Tin told me that maybe you told me about her because you don't want me to be suspicious. You know what Tin told me? "Meron ng something, girl. I can feel and see it. He feels the same way about you."
Up to this day, I still think about you and that maybe I still like you. But that won't change the fact that I'm thankful for you because you showed me love and care indirectly.
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