I stay up late at night, hoping I could get another phone call from you. You haven't shown yourself since the last time I saw you. That was the time you had to take the long path just to avoid me. I kept asking myself about why you had to do that but I lied to myself and thought maybe you're too embarrassed to show yourself to me.
I never really understood you until we developed something I can't even give a label because I don't know what it was. I know we had something special going on, but I never wanted to keep my hopes high. You leisurely opened the door that lead to your life for me. From the fact that you like a bunch of ladies but you're just not ready for any commitment because you're way too torpe to the most sensitive problem you had and I think you still have—your family.
Slowly, I began to see clearly and understand you as a person. Not only that, I fell for you. I fell for you because you made me feel special. You made me happy. You made me smile. You kept me up late at night, waiting for your fast replies to my texts as we talked about "maybe sweet nothings." You called me "S" as I called you funny names you wouldn't accept. You stuck around and helped me carry heavy things. Now that my feelings for you are becoming deeper and deeper, you suddenly closed the door on me, leaving me outside still wondering if I should wait or if I should just walk away and pretend nothing happened.
People had always discouraged me indirectly. They always talked about how an indecent guy you are, and why you're so inappropriate for me, but I let it slip. I chose not to listen to them. I chose to be blind and I kept on believing that you are an extraordinary guy, and that you will change for the better. I was always worried about you and I still am.
I wonder if you ever think of me. Do I ever cross your mind? Do you even read the messages I send you? You kept telling me I confuse you all the time, and I've given you my answer. I cleared your confusion. I still wonder what "S" means and if it still means anything. Did I mean anything to you at all?
I'm just so naïve. That's a fact. I have so many questions but I'm not hoping for any answers. I have to remind myself to never wait. Waiting is hard. Hoping is harder. But whatever happens, even as I still wonder where you are now and how you're doing, know that I'm still thankful I met you. And that somehow, even for just a moment, I became part of your life. Always. For always.
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