I feel like there's always going to be something in me that is drawn to you, no matter how hard I try to shake it off or no matter how the universe is persistent about keeping you far from me. I don't know, perhaps it has a lot to do with the fact that I'd never really gotten answers as to why I'd given so much to get nothing back. Was I simply not enough for you? Was I too much for you that it scared you?
I always thought those three-hour phone calls every now and then meant something to you, because I held each and every one of them very, very close to my heart. I'd hang up feeling the strangest yet most innocent and beautiful wrenches in my gut because you made me feel as if I was even the slightest bit closer to having you. I'd imagined every time I gave you a piece of my heart and mind, I'd been allowing you to be ready to give a little piece of yours. But each moment I am led into believing I'm in luck, everything just dissolves, evaporates, goes away. You and I lose touch, and the cycle of the agonizing longing and waiting for answers begins.
I'd imagined every time I gave you a piece of my heart and mind, I'd been allowing you to be ready to give a little piece of yours.
It's stupid, really. Half the time I know full well how toxic you are for me. There are a thousand reasons why I force myself to believe you and I would work, but there are a million reasons why reality tells me you and I would not.
And yet, here I am later, stuck in a bad case of the relapse. I still hold on to the slightest possibility that out of the thousand reasons you and I are for each other would especially stick out to you, and you'd come calling for a phone call longer than three hours and a hug a little tighter than usual.
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