From Our Readers: To the One Who Doesn't Know I Exist
I don't care if this love is hurting me. I don't even care about you not knowing my existence. I won't mind, even if I knew from the very start that these feelings of mine would always remain hidden, unknown, and unrequited.
I'll keep you a daydream away. Just watch from a safe place so I'll never have to lose, says the song lyrics that I've been listening for years. It has already been 4 years since I laid my eyes on you. It was just a simple crush and I never thought that I'd end up falling in love with you. I never even thought that I'd be hurting this much because of you, because of someone who doesn't even know I exist.
I know that I'm way out of your league because we're different. I am a nobody while you're someone who'll make girls fall just by silently playing your guitar. You're Mr. Popular and I'm Ms. Nobody. You're a mystery. You're the biggest question mark that I know I can't answer even if I'd search the entire WWW.
I have tried writing stories about you and I never thought you'll end up reading those. I never intended to write those hoping that you'll read it. I felt really happy when I knew about it. I was on cloud nine. I thought I've finally made my way into your world. I thought you'd finally notice me. But that was just all in my head. I was just intoxicated by the thought of you reading it, finding who the author is and to finally know I exist. Sadly, I am still a nobody.
I even tried going as far as sending you messages using an anonymous account just to somehow reach you. I was trying, but you're just out of reach. My agony intensified when you graduated and left the university.
After a long long time, I saw you once again with your back turned to me. It's really funny to think that I always see you in the most unexpected times and places but it's only me who gets to see you. What's more hilarious is that after seeing you walk away, I felt nothing. Yes, there's a tinge of pain, but it's a pain without hopes. Is it because I'm crushing on someone new? Or is it that my wounds are slowly healing? I don't know but I'd go for both. I, myself, was shocked when I realized that you're not the one I'm thinking of after seeing you. I don't even know myself.
All I know is that you're a sword. The more I hold on to you and stick you up my heart, the more it hurts me. So maybe it's better to keep you at bay. I should forget about you before you totally kill me. I won't mind mending this deep wound you left after removing you in my heart. I'd patiently heal it. Loving you is like a slow suicide and I don't want to end up dying. I want to stay alive. So I'll hide and lock you somewhere I'll never find. This is for my safety, this is for me.
Sent in by DAJP. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured! Please send original, unpublished work only.