I don't care if this love is hurting me. I don't even care about you not knowing my existence. I won't mind, even if I knew from the very start that these feelings of mine would always remain hidden, unknown, and unrequited.
I'll keep you a daydream away. Just watch from a safe place so I'll never have to lose, says the song lyrics that I've been listening for years. It has already been 4 years since I laid my eyes on you. It was just a simple crush and I never thought that I'd end up falling in love with you. I never even thought that I'd be hurting this much because of you, because of someone who doesn't even know I exist.
I know that I'm way out of your league because we're different. I am a nobody while you're someone who'll make girls fall just by silently playing your guitar. You're Mr. Popular and I'm Ms. Nobody. You're a mystery. You're the biggest question mark that I know I can't answer even if I'd search the entire WWW.
I have tried writing stories about you and I never thought you'll end up reading those. I never intended to write those hoping that you'll read it. I felt really happy when I knew about it. I was on cloud nine. I thought I've finally made my way into your world. I thought you'd finally notice me. But that was just all in my head. I was just intoxicated by the thought of you reading it, finding who the author is and to finally know I exist. Sadly, I am still a nobody.
I even tried going as far as sending you messages using an anonymous account just to somehow reach you. I was trying, but you're just out of reach. My agony intensified when you graduated and left the university.
After a long long time, I saw you once again with your back turned to me. It's really funny to think that I always see you in the most unexpected times and places but it's only me who gets to see you. What's more hilarious is that after seeing you walk away, I felt nothing. Yes, there's a tinge of pain, but it's a pain without hopes. Is it because I'm crushing on someone new? Or is it that my wounds are slowly healing? I don't know but I'd go for both. I, myself, was shocked when I realized that you're not the one I'm thinking of after seeing you. I don't even know myself.
All I know is that you're a sword. The more I hold on to you and stick you up my heart, the more it hurts me. So maybe it's better to keep you at bay. I should forget about you before you totally kill me. I won't mind mending this deep wound you left after removing you in my heart. I'd patiently heal it. Loving you is like a slow suicide and I don't want to end up dying. I want to stay alive. So I'll hide and lock you somewhere I'll never find. This is for my safety, this is for me.
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