From Our Readers: To the One Who Already Left, I'm Leaving You Still
I will forget you. And in days when I feel alone, I'd like to think that you'd remember me, too. So if I don't, let it be known that I never loved you. Let me tell you that there was a thin division between the love and the infatuation, and to it, we never came close. And loving you was never my job.
And when the one who could do it finally comes into your life, let her go. When she comes back, only to apologize for leaving, hold her close. Don't make her feel sorry that she went back, don't make her feel like nothing; make her feel like she was the only one you laid eyes on. Make sure she can hear your heart beating because finally, someone did. If she doesn't come back, and you one day wake up to love her, find her. And if you don't, don't call me or the next name on the endless list of irksome admirers. You know we tried. You know that I failed. I wasn't fit for the job.
I hope I will never be. Because you deserve the one who will really love you, the one who won't question herself at night, and the one who won't doubt your coldness, just because she finds warmth in it. If there'd be a girl who will try to love you, and if she lets go, just let her do it.
You have taught me that forcing myself to love something that doesn't want me will only result in endless heartbreaks and unanswerable what ifs. I've had my share of sweet nothings, and I've learned that soon enough, when things come crashing down, nothing will finally be worth treasuring.
So I treasured our sweet nothings and moonlit conversations. I have read all the words and I know them by heart.
Then one day, I didn't. Once, I woke and wished to love you. One day, I didn't want to. One day, I grew tired of the pain being handed just because, well, because I wanted to love you. But I wouldn't dare to tell myself again that I should have seen the signs before this mess, I won't tell myself again that you were a mistake— that this was a mistake—because you aren't and this isn't.
READ: It Used To Be Us
You will never be a mistake. You are a lesson. The universe has taught me what unrequited is, and for that, I'm grateful. Life taught me that if the skies don't clear, learn to love the rain the way you wish to love a rainbow.
And I guess this will be the last thing I write about you. I have written you a thousand poems, stayed up far too long, contemplated on writing you a book of love, but then, I finally woke up. You are the dreamiest nightmare, the best lesson, and the strongest typhoon I have ever met. I'm grateful for the debris you left me with.
So excuse me if I realized only now. I realized that I have locked myself in a cage because I forced the universe to give a chance on us. I realized that believing in love can take you so far that you can end back at the starting point. And you made me realize that in love, there will be no finish line. Loving is forever.
I'm sorry but I'm setting myself free. I'm letting myself go, because I never had you in my arms to begin with.
Sent in by Trishia Sarmiento. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!