You've known this person since... you can't even remember when. You've got each other's back since forever. Funny how things turn out without you noticing it—they just happen out of nowhere, in the middle of life.
And who would've thought there could be someone sent by the universe who has the same interests as you, who finds silence comfortable, someone who enjoys the little things, and someone who's not afraid of letting things unfold on their own without forcing anything to happen? Funny how you found all of this in one person. Is this fate, you ask.
And you know there's something more whenever you're together, even if those infinite feels are still undefined. You could say you find comfort in each other's presence. From small chats over coffee to having breakfast together, everything feels like a usual routine you've done together for a very long time. You know it's something else, but not quite sure how to define it. All you know and feel is that with this person around, you can just be YOU.
And maybe some people were right. We don't get to choose who we'll fall for. At the most unexpected scenarios of everyday life, you'll just realize that it's with someone whom we casually had a conversation with or with someone who seems so ordinary but who's always around. You know this might be the answer, but some feelings are still unsure. Is taking risk for some delusional could-be-love worth fighting for? Will there be changes if you just spill it out? Will there be any difderence if you say everything you feel to this person? Is it even worth a try?
You're happy now when he's around, but you're not sure if that's what they call falling in love. So you keep still and hold on, waited for some more signs if this could be something more.
And you know that holding on to what you feel won't be easy. To keep things all to yourself. You can't be jealous, you can't be mad, you can't be heartbroken coz you know that person is not something to call your own.
And at some point of waiting and anticipating, being hopeless is what you've become. You could have just said everything you felt about this person, but you just couldn't. Not because you want him to say it first, not because you're a girl. Not because guys should make the first move first, but because you got tired of wishing he would do the same for you, to have that feeling be reciprocated. Just because you didn't know how to put all the feels into words or if I LOVE YOU was even worth saying.
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You know he makes you happy at times when you just need a good laugh to make it through the day. He makes you sad at times for no exact reason at all. Everything feels just right at that moment, but that was then and NOW is different.
Maybe it was getting to the point of just saying it, to that moment of finally admitting you love that person. You were about to fall in love, it's getting there. Almost was the word. But sometimes, almost just isn't enough.
Written by Kathyrine M.Yabut. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too!