I have experienced a period of detachment from almost everyone around me after he left me and I think it's a good thing. Because in the detachment, I found myself. I was enlightened by realizations that I wasn't able to see when his angelic and contagious smile was clouding my thinking.
I got to travel to the lands of what-ifs to the oceans of I-know-I-tried. I do have friends, yes. And I'm grateful for every single one of them because they've filled spaces in me. But I just find my mind wandering into some place that even if I'm alone, I'm totally okay. I found peace in the solitude brought about by the breaking I hear inside of me.
READ: All of Me, Half of You
It's been three months now and looking back to our past seems so weird. It's like looking back at an old photo, which was captured ten years ago, dust has inhabited the sides of the photo making it look blurred. Everything is too far gone, the tumbling feelings, the myriad of butterflies, the excruciating pain, everything. With that, I smile. Gone were those days where I question myself for not being enough for you, for not fighting for you. All my hesitations and regret that lead to seeing you holding hands with another girl. I've finally realized that you've fulfilled your wish for the both of us, that we'd help each other become better. You helped me become better. You taught me how to handle pain in a way I never thought I could. You taught me how to wipe tears with my own handkerchief. You taught me how to hold on using my owns hands. You accompanied me to the world that only you know of and you left me there without warning, without any clue where I'd find my way out. But guess what? I found the exit. Yes, it took me weeks before I got out but the thing is, on my way finding the door that will lead me back to my world, I found myself. I found sides of me that I never paid attention to, and I was happy.
READ: You are Beautiful
Three months ago, If I ever bumped to you somewhere and you're with her, because you know destiny and fate could be both playful at the same time, my initial reaction would be to give you an I-hate-you-and-I-hope-karma-hit-you-hard kind of stare, to basically make you feel guilty about leaving me. But now, I'll actually smile at you, give you the most genuine smile my face could create. Of course, there will still be prickling pain seeing you with another. I believe that you'll never lose care for someone, no matter how far you drift apart. it's just how life goes.
Nevertheless, I also don't want to continue living in the depths of hatred if you're happy with her. I'm living my life to the best I could. I know that it's time to let go of a baggage filled with grudge. It was good while it lasted anyway. Perhaps maybe someday I'll find someone who would hold every bit of me till the end.
Maybe God gave us to each other during that time to teach us that sometimes the people we share promises with are not the one who'll fulfill every letter of it.
I wasn't able to say thank you. So, here goes.
Sorry we weren't ours to hold anymore but thank you because for a moment we were.
Sent in by Ellainemor San Pascual. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!