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From Our Readers: To the Guy Who Left Me When I Needed Him the Most

You weren't just my first love then, you were my best friend and all those years we spent together were some of the best memories I'll ever have.
ART Trixie Ison

To the Guy Who Left Me When I Needed Him the Most

When you're young and still have a lot to figure out, you tend to get overwhelmed with all the changes happening around you. You're in college and surrounded with different people, you face dilemmas adjusting in school and trying to figure out who you want to be. There are so many things happening all at once that more often, you can't think for yourself and simply go with the flow. You're stuck between staying in your comfort zone, hanging out with the same set of friends or going against conventional and setting out for new adventures. All these things could sometimes lead to confusion and doing the wrong choices which was exactly what happened to me, to us.

You weren't just my first love then, you were my best friend and all those years we spent together were some of the best memories I'll ever have. We promised each other to stick together no matter how much different it would be being apart and I believed it could work. We made it through high school, so I thought it wouldn't be as hard in college but I guess I was wrong. You left when things got hard. You left during those times when I was so confused about myself that I second-guessed everything I once knew. I needed you so much. I needed you to be there when I was curled up on the floor and crying my heart out. You were supposed to be my anchor and my pillar, but you walked away and chose her over me.

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READTo the Best Friend I Secretly Loved

Things just crumbled down. I was such a wreck. I felt like a hurricane without any direction, just floating around bringing chaos around me. As much as I wanted to blame you, I couldn't because I know I had my fair share of mistakes. I wasn't at my best at that time. But when you really love someone, you're supposed to stick by them even at their worst, right? And you didn't. Like I said, I still couldn't blame you. Maybe you got tired of the mess I put you through. If I could change anything, it would be the way I took you for granted. We were so young that time, I guess and I understand that you had your own issues too. But the fact that you had to lie just to break free of me was the worst thing. I just wished you simply told me the truth the moment I asked for it.

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I became my own anchor and pillar. I became stronger and ready to face heartbreak that would come my way.

I was so lost for a long time and indulged in things I knew only made things worse: partied here and there, got drunk on booze, hung out with people I knew were not good influences, and many more. I did it all to forget the pain, to forget my need for someone like you again. It went on for a while until I finally got tired and realized I needed to be better. I needed to prove myself to you. I turned my life around trying to make you see that everything I was, most especially the negative parts, were only a phase. I got right back on track in school and built healthy friendships with people who encouraged me to be better. At first, it was only to make you see I've changed but later on, I forgot about proving anything to you. I got better for me and as time passed by. I learned so much.

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READTo the Boy Best Friend I Love

Right now, I know I still haven't figured out everything, I still got quite a long shot. But at least, I can say that I've grown and matured because of everything that has gone wrong in my teenage years. I became my own anchor and pillar. I became stronger and ready to face heartbreak that would come my way. It was all thanks to you, thank you for leaving, I am so much better for it. I hope you're also happy now. We both deserve to be. And even though you left during the time I needed you most, I forgive you. What I know for sure is that everything happens for a reason. It might not be clear as day now, but sooner or later everything will make sense. I guess all those struggles I went through was for the sole reason of teaching me that I can go through life without totally depending on anyone and that I could stand on my own. I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you. I hope all those great memories won't anymore be tainted with the bad. I am okay now. I pray you are, too.

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Written by Carol Paulene G. Tudence. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous.

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This is a drawing and a poem I’ve made for a summer love. Our time together was short-lived but the feelings were not.

“God’s Gift”

On a platform we stand

Faces seen all in a blur

Relentless searching led by a spur

To find someone, to feel something

Aren’t we fools to waste away time?

To look for one man’s treasure

Somewhere as ephemeral, as fragile

As a bond built in crime

But aren’t we just like every weary heart?

Hoping for an oasis

In the midst of the desert

Wanting to quench our thirst

Aren’t we all like frosted windows

Of old and battered houses on winter?

Wishing for the sun to give us warmth

To melt the facade so we can show what the inside is made

Aren’t we maven pretenders?

A Casanova? A Temptress? Who made us this way?

A sly fox? A ruthless hunter?

Let down the walls, It’ll be okay

Rushed for a hug, now no hesitating

Engulfed by a sense of bliss or was it longing? Eyes wide-open,

Stepping on a quicksand I embraced the fall into the deep end

Gazed at you lying there unaware With you, found something rare I swear

Realization dawning as loud as a thunder

As the Beating of your heart put me into a deep slumber

Waking up from this reverie

Truth slapped me back to reality

Two worlds so different, now I see If only I could I’d be anything and anyone you need me to be I’m the ludicrous clown, you see

Thought if I ruin it first I’d be free

From the doubts brought by my own insecurity I was so wrong,

What a tragicomedy Brought by the month of April

We rushed the ticking of clock to May Hands interlocked

Weaved skin to skin on a rainy day But when June came to say hello, all went dark grey

What was once there ceases to exist Like the wilting of a flower

Once so beautiful, so full of life Now turned into dust by death’s kiss

Unbounded joy brought by your presence

Paralleled with the perennial ache of your absence Yearned for and offered seventh heaven

Now the heart weeps for evanescence

A mirage, to be the fair maiden The sorrow to find out I’d end up our own villain

But all’s well for you are but a distant dream Gamaliel, You are, I knew it from the very beginning .

Written by me, the one-shot story

Coffee is about a girl who used to cherish moments with someone in a cafe. Sometimes, a simple drink can leave an imprint on someone's mind. ____________________________________________

Coffee

It's been a year since my boyfriend and I broke up. I love him and he loves me too but things just didn't worked  the way it should be. Now I'm heading at the cafe where we started and ended. I have no choice but to go there after all it was made up of both happy and sad memories. But that's life , right? We can't be happy all the time. Challenges come and hearts can break. But it doesn't just end there.

"One signature coffee , please." I said as I ordered from the cashier.

"What size?" she asked.

"Small." I said.

Then she took my payment and I headed towards the seat near the window. A window seat.... for two. The cafe was surprisingly full tonight unlike the past few days.

Again, I have no choice but to sit on that window seat. It is where we sit often. It is our seat. Our place. There are a lot of couples at the cafe and wow I'm alone. There's a part of me which says you should be happy because he's not the only guy in this world. Another part of me says you're still hurt so don't pretend to be happy. The truth is , I am both happy and sad.  I'm happy because we're both free and we can focus more in our careers. But I'm sad because I'm not the other half of his heart anymore. I'm sad because I let him go even though I still love him. I'm sad because I can't see him. I'm sad because I can't share this relaxing coffee shop where we can chill with the aromatic smell of the coffee.

"Small signature coffee?" the waitress said as she serves my coffee.

"Yes. Thank you." I said.

"Since you're a regular customer here, we would like to give you this item for free." the waitress said. She handed me a purple journal with the name of the cafe on it and a pen.

"Oh thanks." I said .

"Enjoy your coffee!" she said.

I took advantage of using the freebies from the cafe. A window seat is also a bonus in inspiring me to write something. While sipping my coffee my brain and my heart began to function smoothly.

And so I wrote: My coffee has been cold lately, I can't feel anything after taking a sip and there's no heat to leave a pain on my lips. And it was a relief. But then, I remember one thing about sipping a cold coffee instead of a hot one: cold coffee doesn't leave you any marks when you sipped it, just like a blunt feeling. But a hot coffee will leave you a remarkable pain from the heat which reminds you that you are alive to feel....

I closed the journal and stared at the window. He was the coffee. The hot coffee. No matter how our breakup hurt me, he left me a mark and a lesson to learn. A hot coffee can be a challenge too or an obstacle. They all made you feel that you are alive. That you can go on with your life. You can still stand up. Love taught me to move forward. He taught me to be stronger. He is love.

Belley Marie A day ago

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A BROKE FANGIRL/FANBOY

One of the proudest things as a fan is the feeling that you are part of their growing fandom and stardom. From streaming their songs online, watching their music videos, TV guestings, collecting photocards, albums, lightsticks, attending to their concert and fan meetings surely, you're a fan! But there's a problem, MONEY.

It's really heartbreaking when you hear that members of your favorite band are coming and their concert is just around the corner but here you are thinking of how to sell one of your kidneys just to go to their concert (kidding).That no matter how much you try to save, it will never be enough for a ticket because you are only a student who has limited resources or if you're an adult, you have bills to pay. So joining a "team bahay" livestream is your last resort, but sometimes even those links don't work!

Of course if there's team bahay there's also "team airport/ team labas", fans who waits at the airport hoping to see their idols upon their arrival. How we wish we could also attend and be part of it, something like shouting their names, fanchants then cry out of happiness while waving their lightsticks or banners. What a concept isn't?

Hey, cheer up! being broke doesn't make you any less of a fan. Know that there are other ways to support and love them. For sure our idols have the same and equal love to us no matter what "team" we belong (team concert, team airport/labas and team bahay).Maybe for some people, they might think we are being overly dramatic without knowing that for us fans, their existence itself and music saved us and made us happy once in our lives. -Gwy June 16,2020

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