"Please believe me when I say that I love you, always have and always will."
These were the words that I wanted to say to you but couldn't on our last day of school. I don't know why I didn't say it, I guess it was the fear of you rejecting me, being angry at me when I was the one who ended our relationship. I was the girl who broke your heart without even saying why. I guess that was why the next years of waiting for you in pain and suffering happened. I deserved it because it was my karma.
"When you want something, the world conspires in helping you to achieve it."
A quote by Paulo Coelho I've always believed in. I always wanted you to look at me, to see me the way I always saw you. I saw you as someone who showed me how to love and my capability to love someone. I saw you as someone special to me even if I kept my distance. For so many years, I yearned and hoped for you to notice me, even if it was just a glance, a brush of your hand against mine, or accidentally bumping into you on the streets. Through these years, this quote was the one that made me believe that as long as I wished for something, really hoped for it, I would be able to get it and that the wait would be worth it.
But somehow, in some way, that never happened. I guess I lost my chance, I lost it when I chose to throw away the love you had for me. At that time, I didn't know what I had, how important you were to me. I thought that what we had would go away but I was wrong. It may have gone for you, but it didn't for me. For the next years after that, I only saw you.
You might be wondering why I never told you. Well, it was because I was weak and I was so afraid of what you'd think. I don't know what it was, but maybe I felt like I didn't deserve you. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe the universe never planned for "us" to happen again.
It's okay, but please don't hate me. I'll be all right. I think my mind has long made peace with the fact that I'll never have you, it's just the heart that's very stubborn. Please just know that I will always love you because even if it was just for a short while, I knew what we had then was real.
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