From Our Readers: To the Guy I Will Never Have
Liking you wasn't always a part of my plan. I shouldn't have done that to myself but I did.
When I first saw you, I thought you were just some random guy trying to make friends. You blend in with the rest of us, just like the regular freshmen we were in high school. It took a while before I got to know you. I knew your name and that was it. Time passed by and we got to know each other more.You always liked to tease me about how I look and that didn't matter to me because I just got used to your silly antics.
When you found out I had a crush on you, you didn't do what most guys would do—that is to keep their distance. You still talked to me like how a normal person would. You walked with me and took the long way even if your house was near the school. You helped me bring my bag. You sang with me. You would make faces with me. You wiped the tears off of my face when you saw me cry for the first time. And you held my hand so tight you never want to let go.
I thought the right time was finally coming, that you'd actually like me back. I thought wrong. I assumed too much and got hurt. We were never a couple. I just really wanted us to become something more but you didn't like me the way I did.
My heart was stubborn. I still had a crush on you during our junior and senior days. I was trying to fight my feelings but my heart won. Graduation came and we knew we had to say goodbye to each other. A lot of things happened between us. Most were happy times but those days are over. We became college students and walked into different paths. You were in another school and so was I. You took Engineering and I went to the field of Communication. We stayed friends but didn't socialize much as often as before.
When I found out after 3 years that you had a girlfriend, it broke my heart. I told myself I wouldn't cry but I couldn't help it. You will never like me and you will never see me the way I see you. I know I sound like giving up but if ever you happen to like me back, I will let time decide. I just told myself that if he deserves better, then so do I. I have a life to live and he has his. As long as he's happy, I'm happy. I moved on and that's enough for me to know. It was hard at first but I got help along the way. I guess something's fall apart so better things can go right. He's not for me and I'm not for him. Someone will always be out there for us. The right time will come and let's not rush love because it's just there. It's everywhere.
READ: Traumatized by Love
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I've been investing in arts, photography, and writing. I've also got back to reading the other day and I finished reading this amazing book entitled 300 Things I Hope by Iain S. Thomas. It is all about the things the author hopes his readers to do in all aspects of life. So, I decided to make a version of it with all of the things I'm hoping for.
I hope I get to see my friends be successful in life. I hope to make a big mural someday. I hope to be a well-known artist like the artists I look up to. I hope to marry the person I am in love with today. I hope to be a little kinder to myself. I hope to see happiness even in the smallest things. I hope to travel the world. I hope to be a good mother and a wife to my future family. I hope to have my artworks displayed in a gallery or an exhibit. I hope to learn more about creative writing. I hope I won't learn how to get tired and give up my passion. I hope I won't get too hard on myself whenever I don't get the results I've been wanting to see in my works. I hope to love myself more even on the days I hate it the most. I hope to lead and empower women; to be their voice and for them to believe in themselves that they can be the woman they look up to. And when I've reached my limit of these things, I hope I won't get tired of reminding myself that my emotions don't make me weak, hence, makes me stronger. These are some of the things I always hope for. What about you? What are you hoping for?
I started fixing myself this quarantine. I mean, I started trying makeup products. As a teen, I'm on my phone almost every hour of the day, scroll on my social media accounts, especially Instagram, and also Pinterest where you get to see nice and pleasing photography by bunch of amazing and beautiful people from different parts of the world. So I started taking my own as well. I did not know that taking your own photo and try to get an Instagramable one is sooooooooo hard, it's exhausting. I do not have alot of space in my room, and I would definitely not do it outside our house because of Corona Virus, and I don't want to be seen by our neighbors HAHA so I have no choice but to make tiis inside my room.
Out of atleast 25 shots, only 2 are a nice picture. While I'm all sweaty and tired, I am proud of what I could do beyond my comfort zone. And this definitely built my self confidence, (and I secret love the compliments I received from both people I know and don't know) It's not my first time visiting in here, Candy! But I'm new to writing my thoughts and experiences, so bare with me HAHA.
Until next time!
First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.
The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.
There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.