I don't miss you anymore. Yes, I dreamed of you again last night and it doesn't hurt anymore unlike all the nightmares before that would haunt me and made me cry. I know. It was my fault. I was the one who made such an awful mistake. But you never listened to me that's why we broke up.
It hurts. It hurts so bad that every single night after you left—left the shattered pieces of your memories in my heart—I felt pain. Did you feel that, too? I thought I was everything to you, I thought you would forgive me because in the first place, you were the reason of my wrongdoing. My family didn't like you and I felt bad. They confiscated my phone so that I couldn't talk you. I just didn't know how to explain it to you and what made this all worse is I hurt you. And you know nothing about it because I didn't tell you.
A month after you left me, I sent you a long text message begging you to come back and how sorry I was for what happened. I asked if you'd give me one last chance to make everything worthwhile. All you replied was, "I've had enough." From the moment I read it, how I wished the Earth would have eaten me alive. For over 3 years of not seeing you, I asked myself why can't I forget you? Why is it you can't remember me? Why can't I forgive myself? Why can't you forgive me? Did you ever really love me?
I miss you so bad and it hurts that we can't be friends the way we used to be before we were in a relationship. It hurts that you kissed my best friend. It hurts that you dated my friend. It hurts how close you are with our friends and you can't even talk to me. It's so funny how we look so happy in a group picture but in reality, there were two people who never talked. There's me who was faking a smile and hurting.
It hurts that you kissed my best friend.
I just want to move on, forget the guy who gave me so much to remember. But every time I remember you, I remember what love is. I remember my capability to love and I guess I will never love again the way I have loved you. And I lied again. Truth is, I still missed you every day. I can't remember a day that I haven't thought about you. It still hurts and the pain just won't subside. And I wonder, when will this end? I am not expecting for you to come back or to love me again. I just want to move on and forget the pain.
Sent in by Mariel Montalba. Submit your feels, too!