From Our Readers: To the Girl I Was in the Past
How's it going? I hope you've stopped crying yourself to sleep. Walking in class looking like a panda isn't exactly adorable. What is it this time? The unending pressure or the quest in finding your self-worth?
You weren't exactly the perfect daughter. But before you get mad at me, hear me out first. I know how it feels to have your efforts crushed like a tin can right before your eyes. And I know you've been trying so hard to satisfy your parents' unreachable expectations. You can't be someone you're not. You can't make yourself as someone they want you to be. I can't even count your achievements using fingers in my hands and feet altogether yet it wasn't enough. In their eyes, all they'll ever see are the disappointments you've brought them. They wanted to have a perfect daughter, and you struggled to become one. But dear, you're just 15. Just a teenager in the middle of an expedition—an expedition of finding your own self.
You never felt like you were enough. That you never will be. And these kept you from feeling like you deserve something-anything. But dear child, you deserve everything this world could offer. You deserve to love and be loved. You deserve happiness. But you're afraid to fly knowing that even your mother eagle is waiting for you to fall. But this shouldn't stop you. Know this: you can never please everybody. And though it may hurt, that can include your own parents. But that's okay. You're okay. You'll grow up as a strong-willed woman. For your best dojo was located in your own home. The best training came from your family.
You must be feeling tired now. You must be eager to grow up already and prove your worth. But honey, you have to enjoy your youth before you step into reality. Being a grown-up would make you miss this part of your life. Keep your problems in the closet and visit them when you get older. You're too young to worry about these. What you have to do now is to let people in and follow your heart's desires. Be yourself. Be reckless. But also keep yourself guarded. Never stop yourself from experiencing the things you want. And never cage yourself from the feelings you want to feel. Feel free to express who you are and to speak what's in your mind. You can't always let them dictate what's right and wrong. You're not a puppet. You're a blossoming sprout in the midst of spring. Be strong and soon you'll be a beautiful flower with thorns.
Lots of love,
Your future self
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