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From Our Readers: To the Ghost of My Past Love

I know you are my sweetest memory.
ART Trixie Ison

Who are you right now? I don't know. The "you" that I know, the "you" that I familiarized my heart with, he's already dead. But for me, that "you" never died. You continued to haunt me everywhere, torturing me with what ifs, asking questions without providing any answers at all. And who knows, this might be my eulogy to everything that happened between us, to the love I once felt, to the memories I've become so fond of. Rest in peace.

Let me recall everything.

I know you are my sweetest memory. I only have memories of you to live by. I only have faint memories of your smile and your laughter and your rib cage and your skinny body and your big hands and your deep voice and your big nose and well, everything about you. Everything that used to be you.

Maybe this is why I should forget you. You are just a lingering ghost, a memory. You are my dream and now, you no longer seem a person to me. You've become way too fictional, way too perfect for me. You are just a memory, so maybe I should start making new ones. You are just a ghost, so maybe I should learn to let go of the dead.

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So... Who am I to you? Maybe I'm just your cold cup of coffee, waiting to be appreciated, but I can never match her cup of tea. Maybe I'm just the lyric you always forget, waiting to be remembered, but I can never match the rhythm of her song. Maybe I'm just the key you always misplace, waiting to be found, but I can never open your heart the way her key does. Maybe I'm just the little kid who wishes on a star; I try to pretend the star is you, and like the star, you're so distant to talk back. I'll always be your biggest what if, your almost; and almost is and will never be enough.

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Maybe I should stop trying to be a different person I am not for you. Maybe I should stop aspiring to be more like other people. After all, it was a privilege to have loved you, and it was also a privilege to have my heart broken by you.

The distance between us - both literally and figuratively - I cannot feel it, for I see you everywhere. I see you in guitars, I see you in anime shows, I see you in the books I read, I see you in the place where I first met you. I see you in my past, I see you in my future, and I almost see you in my present. Maybe one day you'll stumble upon this letter. Maybe one day I'll stop writing letters with my name hidden under anagrams, for I lack the courage to vent it all out to you. Maybe one day I'll be precious enough to belong in your memory too. Maybe one day you'll remember that I was the one who really cared, your second option who never made you an option at all. Maybe one day you'll stare into the cup of coffee you made, because its color reminded you how brown my eyes are. Maybe one day you'll regret and wish that the almost happened, for that's what has been haunting me for years. Maybe one day we'll see that all the nostalgic cliffhangers between us will be filled with great plot twists and morals to learn from.

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But you know what, I'm grateful. I am more than happy that for once, I made you feel special. I made you feel appreciated. I made you feel loved. I made you realize how great of a person you were, or are. I might have been deprived to feel the same things from you or to receive answers for my unanswered questions, but at least I had someone to offer my feelings to. I'm grateful that I've lived those five years continually being haunted and guarded by your ghost, my ghost of almost, for I have become braver, stronger. Better. And almost ready to love a new living soul, not a ghost.

Sent in by Louishana J. Arridge. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!

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A Simple Learner Who's a Great Pretender

Maybe I'm just a learner, not a weirdo. A learner that knows how to listen and pretend. A simple learner who's a great pretender. Pretending to be slightly dumb enough not to be judged and criticized by those who do not appreciate my existence. We surround ourselves with people who's levels are either beyond or below our intellectual behavior, because as for reality, people may use you either for their success or your downfall. Since then, people tend to judge someone who has an intellect with things they shouldn't be. Making them a criticizer, and most of all, calling them weird.

Honestly, I'm one of this "weirdo" who actually loves to learn things, and for the record, I'm bullied and stressed out for making myself not to learn more and go with the flow to dumbness I had. Have you ever feel being assigned to some task where you know every process to make it easier and faster to finish but turns out to hesitate to voice out because some of your mates put themselves in charge. There are times where I know what to do, what to say, or how to react, but kept myself silent and pretend not to know anything that may help us. Maybe it's a good thing to just go with their ideas and learn from their perspectives, but sometimes you can't control it and says something, and once again called to be a weirdo and let you finish the work by yourself.

It's annoying that you only know one process yet they gave you the whole work and let you finish it by yourself because they insist that "MAGALING KA DIBA?". It's not your fault being an intellectual person, knowing such things that may help you to pursue your dreams, and have the basic knowledge about something. You don't need to know everything, just the basics. And as for those people who do not appreciate your existence, let them be and continue what's the best for you. In some cases, you'll be annoyed by this but most of the time you'll be thankful for it. Not for now but maybe later. Just be yourself either a weirdo, a great pretender, or a simple learner, and always remember to lower your voice and behavior because no one loves that.

Just be a great pretender not to hear any runts and be a good learner that appreciates everything. It's out of nowhere thoughts of mine, but simply I leave you this my favorite life quotation; "Don't introduce yourself, Let your success introduce you"

Jayson Miranda 2 days ago
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