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From Our Readers: To the Friend I'm Not Sure I Lost
But maybe I did.
ART Trixie Ison

Surprisingly, it's been a couple of weeks since we last spoke. It's been almost a month since we last exchanged words (hurtful ones, without a doubt). I never thought we'd reach a point when this would happen. Sure, we could go on for a day or two (three maybe), but never for weeks, never for almost a month.

I never thought it would last this long. I never thought it would go this far. But perhaps, that's how much forces despised seeing us together; they fought to break anything and everything in between us. And boy, did they succeed.

Maybe it was me being too emotional, hurt and sensitive. Maybe it was you, failing to swallow back the words that overflowed from the tip of your tongue and the pink of your lips. Maybe it was both of us, ignoring our slowly-drifting friendship. It was the two of us letting pride overpower a friendship and break a bond so tight, it tore apart.

Maybe it was both of us, ignoring our slowly-drifting friendship.

Every day, it killed me. It killed me to see you pass straight by me as if I were some stranger. It was murder to witness you happy with someone who obviously wasn't me. Perhaps it was easy. I was just one person; that wouldn't affect you. My presence can be replaced with the presence of many (9-11 to be exact). It stabbed me like a dagger straight to heart to look at you every day, hopelessly and foolishly waiting for you and him to say a word to me. But sadly, you didn't seem to care.

I didn't seem to matter.

I didn't seem to matter to you (and to him) and as time flew, I got used to it. Shockingly, I became fine with it.

However, there are days when I just want to break down in front of you. Sometimes, I want to crush the walls around me the way my spirit was crushed, brutally and with no mercy. (Yes, I was that affected and I still am) Until now, I die to reach out, grab your hand and just tell you how hurt I am. I ache to ask you if for once, would it kill you to listen to the real reason why. I think it's no use anymore. Maybe it’s not "friendship over." It still is, but unfortunately with a river-wide gap in between two rough lands.

I don't really know what I want you to feel or what I want this letter to make you feel. I don't care if you'll cry over it or rip it to shreds in the span of seconds. I don't need an answer to all things I have and will continue to whine about. I just want to make the effort. I just want to tell you a tale of two who have turned into complete and utter strangers.

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There's so much I want to say but words aren't enough to express such pain, hurt and loneliness I have been feeling. I miss having the person I'd roll eyes with after judging someone silently. I miss having someone who'd fetch me in the span of fifteen minutes just so we could dine at our favorite restaurant. Sadly, the truth hurts; you lose some, you win some and life would never stop for anyone.

I truly hope you're happy. I hope you're happy with every aspect of your life; you're too blessed to be lonely. Don't forget to smile more often, it'll suit you the best. I'll be proud of anything you will achieve in the future—whether I'm part of it or not. Know that when you need me, whether it's for advice, gossip, a shoulder to cry on, or simply just someone to talk to, I am a message away. And when you do message, call or reach me in any possible way you could, I’ll be right there to answer.

I'm not sure if I lost you. Maybe I did. Probably, along the way I already did. I just clung on too tight and blinded myself from the devilish reality flashing right in front of me—losing you.

PS — I wrote this like your favorite Candy articles.

Sincerely,
That friend who's probably a stranger now

Sent in by Ky. Got feels? Submit your story and get published!

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