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From Our Readers: To the First But Not the Last

You will always be the first love of my life.
ART Trixie Ison

It's been a year since we've parted ways. It was my fault, I admitted that. "If you want it, go get it," and I did. I approached you, and I know you have your own reasons why you never accepted me. I was okay with that, or I tried to be okay with that. It was hard, really, but being apart from you made me realize lot of things that I should have been doing right from the very start. I was young and stupid—we all were once—but was I too young to decide if you were going to be the one who'd be waiting for me at the end of the altar? Or was I stupid to let you go just like that? Either way, destiny did this, this is for the best. "If it's meant to be, it will be." After trying to win you back, I have let the Fates decide whether it's meant to be or not.

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Now, I am feeling better. I cannot fully say that I have moved on from you because you will always hold a special place in my heart—until the day of my last breath. You will always be the first love of my life. You made me swim through a mind that was full of love for poetry and love for writing. And I don't think I will have that opportunity with someone again. I was just a shy student back then. You came and noticed me and I've felt that I've been a part of a world that was completely new even for you. I have felt foreign kilig feelings that made me smile from the moment that I've woken up to the moment I'm about to sleep. I miss those, yes. But then, a huge hindrance came—distance. We tried to make it work, hoping that the next year that would come we'd still be together and we'd be happy. And we never made it. We grew apart, built walls from each other, and one thing led to another. We broke up. "You gave me forever in a number of days," we used to quote statement from books we read, and this one had an impact on us.

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You will always be the first love of my life.

Us growing apart from each other, made me promise to myself that the next guy that would come, I will never ever let go. I will answer all his calls, whether it's three in the morning. I will always ask how his day went. I will always be there for him. I will take lots of pictures of us. I will hold no grudge against him. I will tell him everything. I will try to destroy the walls I've built around my heart. I will tell him everything. I would never let him cry because of pain, but I would make him cry tears of joy and delight. I am not changing myself. I will never hold back my weirdness. And I will love him better. This would all be easy if the next guy that will come would still be you.

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You always say that I've taught you how to love, but, little did I know that it was me that has completely no idea what love is. But right now, because of what had happened, I think I know what it really means. It's about seeing someone at their best, and you'll love them. Then, you see them at their worst, which would make you love them more. It is not about loving someone that much, it's about companionship. It's about being there for each other, not about weighing who loves more, it's teaching your significant other how to love you more when you feel like they're slowly drifting apart from the love that was once there. And you have taught me all of this. Thank you.

Sent in by Iyah DR. Got your own story to tell? Submit your feels! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured! Please send original, unpublished work only. 

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