From Our Readers: To the Constant Question Mark in Her Life
It all began when the awkward lanky girl caught your attention. That girl had no idea why you would ever set your sights on someone like her and you had no idea that she liked you from the very start. From the moment you first sent that message, that girl couldn't comprehend if it was real. She doubted your actions so much that she came to the conclusion that maybe someone was playing a trick on her and that someone was pretending to be you. Maybe it was a bet, to get the awkward girl to fall for you then dump her. She didn't allow herself to be happy because finally you noticed her. Instead, because of so much doubt in herself, she questioned your intentions.
She decided to ride along because if this were a prank, at least she'd be beating you at your own game. After a while though, you proved yourself, didn't you? You did and she believed everything you said to her. You asked her to dance at that ball. It didn't mean anything to you, but to that girl it meant everything. It was the match that lit the fire because she thought maybe it was possible. Maybe you weren't ashamed of her and maybe, just maybe you could be hers. For a moment during that dance, the awkward girl didn't feel awkward at all because you were holding her. Everyone and everything just melted away.
Did you really bring down your walls for her? Or did you fool her into believing that she was seeing the real you? Up to this day that girl is wondering if any of the stories you told her, the secrets you shared, and the sweet intoxicating words you used to get her heart were true. Without so much as a goodbye, you disappeared. You let her fall even if you weren't there to catch her. You left her hanging and broken. If you must know, she moved on. She went on with her life, she kept improving herself. Constantly telling herself that if she were prettier and more of a catch, what you did to her wouldn't happen again. She was hoping that guys would see her and would want to stay.
She was at a place in her life where she was okay again—better even. Then you showed up once more out of the blue. How could you do that? How could you know that even after all you did she would let you in? You had her wrapped around your finger because she did. She let you in. Again. This time though, with much more freedom, she let herself be happy. She savored the time you spent with her, holding each moment close to her heart. Despite letting go of her fears, she always felt that underlying doubt at the back of her mind. She never knew if she could trust you. Most of the time she ignored that voice in her head telling her to run away as fast and as far as she could. She ignored the feeling of the inevitable heartbreak you would cause her eventually. You asked her to take a leap of faith for you, you thought she didn't, but you never knew that the moment you came back she already did.
Life is full of should haves, maybes, and what ifs. When you decided to do the stupidest thing possible which was to hurt her again, the first thing she thought was that she should have learned her lesson years ago, she should have never ignored that voice in her head and maybe she would have never gotten her heart broken by the likes of you. Now that you're long gone, she still asks herself what if? This time though, she knows better than to give in because those what ifs gave her nothing but unhappy endings. She's sorry to have let her heart take the hit for her mistakes. She never found out what she really was to you or whatever it was the both of you shared back then. For so long, you were a question mark—you still are—but this time, you're a question mark she doesn't want to answer. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm that girl.
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