If somebody would ask me where to find the perfect guy, I'd tell them to take the bestselling romance novel and they'd know the answer.
But I was wrong.
The perfect guy wasn't found in that novel, in any other novels, in fiction stories or in an e-book. The perfect guy was you.
Like them, though, you were physically attractive, smart, inquisitive, sensitive, caring, loving, family-oriented and most of all, to me, perfect. But this time you were different from all of the men I read in books; you are the real thing. Though, there's one thing that makes you like the fictional characters and that is, like them, you're the guy I will never have.
You were a couple of years older than me and so were my other crushes, but you were different from all the non-fictional crushes I had. You were reachable. You were a message away from all of my school-related problems. You knew me quite well, and you knew what I liked to do. You did your best in every academic or non-academic endeavor. You recognized the problems in our community and actively participated in any event that you deemed helpful. You knew yourself, what you stood for and, most of all, what's right. You were unlike any guy I had ever known.
My eyes would always wander in the school grounds looking for you, or maybe just the sight of you. Being an esteemed leader and an active student, people knew you quite well. But I seldom saw you. The frequency of which I could only count by fingers: four times at lunch time and twice at dismissal. To those few times I've seen you, my mood would instantly change and my smile would never fade until I sleep.
Your smile had that dazzling effect that was like joy transpiring to everyone that sees it. Your eyes were always serene like anybody who catches them may see a different kind of peace. Your hands were gentle like everything it touches finds comfort and ease. Your feet took you to places your heart desired. Your heart was pure and your faith was strong. You were so intelligent and I could only imagine the numerous medals your mother has hung on that white wall.
You were all somebody like me could ever ask for. You faced your own battles and I've seen your scars. You were inspiration not only to me but to every person that have known you in a way that I did too.
Out of the many people you have touched, maybe somebody out there is like me, eagerly looking for you in the cafeteria, goofily smiling when you say hi as our paths crossed in the hallway, enthusiastically stalking your SNS accounts and unceasingly hoping that there could be something else.
I know somebody out there is meant for you. She's going to be your 2 am call. She's going to be your coffee buddy. She's going to go with you to movie houses. She's going to comfort you through all the pain. She's going to be your all. I don't know her yet and maybe you don't either but there's one thing I'm sure of: I won't be her.
READ: Was It All Just Pretend?
I just can't be because like in any other novel I will always be a reader, like any other movie I will always be in the audience. And in your life, I will just be the girl you'll never be with. I accept that. But always know that I will be here just watching, where your smile to me is already heaven and your eyes to me are the stars. I will always look upon you and your faith. I will never get tired watching you strive for your dreams. I will never get tired of watching you.
If ever you read this and get the hint that it's me, don't worry. It's a privilege to know you, see you, and like you. Remember, I will never regret that I met you, Mr. Perfect. You taught me that love isn't just wanting to be with someone because love sometimes means letting someone be.
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