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From Our Readers: To My Ex-Best Friend

I met you when my world fell apart.

I met you when my world fell apart. Breaking up with a guy you spent 3 years with is a bit tough. You helped me get over him, constantly nagging me when I stalk his Facebook profile. I was wondering how I caught your attention. I am not the type of girl that you notice at first glance. You're a popular guy. It felt like we were living in different worlds.

Fate made a way for us to be close. We instantly clicked. We both loved to eat; we spent a lot of time playing at the arcade; we would sing our hearts out at the karaoke and play instruments. We had a lot of things in common. Just a few months after, we decided to become best friends.

We became inseparable to the point that the people around us were already asking if we were a couple. They were all rooting for us, even your relatives and mine. We kept on telling them that we're just best friends, nothing more than that and yet they didn't believe us.

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A few months passed, I noticed that I was slowly falling for you. Falling in love with your best friend? What a cliché. At first I was afraid to tell you about my feelings. I was so scared to lose everything we had. But those fears vanished when you held my hand, looked straight into my eyes, and told me that you liked me more than just a friend. It's a bit funny when I remember it now. It was almost like seeing fireworks behind you when in fact we were just sitting in front of the skating rink. We instantly had a mutual understanding. We were acting like a couple though we really weren't.

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Months later, you noticed that I became a bit of a control freak. Maybe it's because of the fact that I'm scared to be left behind. I didn't know that my actions were suddenly a bit off. We were suddenly fighting over petty things. And it became the reason of our major fight. You tried to throw away the memento of the first month we became best friends. I was trying to stop you but I couldn't do anything. All I could do was feel my heart being torn into pieces.

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Now I feel the pain of losing someone so dear to me, again. Can we just be best friends again? It's the question that has been hanging around my head for quite some time. You've cut off all means of communication. It seems like it really is the end for the both of us.

I just want us to be friends again. I know it's my fault that we ended up like this. I'm looking forward to the end of this best-friends-to-lovers-to-friends cycle—if we ever will go back to where we started. Not now, but maybe as time passes, I can look straight into your eyes and smile without feeling hurt.

I'm sorry. I really am.

Sent in anonymously.

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PRIMO.

First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.

The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.

There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.

Bea Alamis A day ago
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