From Our Readers: This Is Why I Gave Up On You
We live in a world of torn cloth and unfinished sentences, of wrong typhoon forecasts and I-thought-sos and that's-what-they-saids. Everything feels like a risk—including you. Maybe you thought that this was a tough feeling to bear, and we could have only hoped that the world warned us about this earlier.
Our first phase was too sweet—we could pass as gumballs in a candy machine. Everyone around us loved the love we ourselves loved as much. They wanted us to be the lasting proof of an emotion which half of the world fears. Every single day consisted of surreal realities that the probability of our relationship's downfall never crossed my mind. We did love everything about it: Messages that came back and forth, the I-cannot-sleep feeling, under the stars strolling while talking about our aspirations and dreams.
Until the details suddenly washed into a mere blur.
It was a strong typhoon—unexpected, even—that came into our mid-summer and made us stumble and eventually fall. We were not holding onto each other anymore. All I can recall was I heard screams and yells of our mistakes. We were sorry, then not. So sorry, but not.
I gave up on you.
Truth is, we still had a chance. There was still something else that we can use to mend this. Truth is, we were not complete casualties of the storm. But above all, I still refused to take all these first three truths. It's not because I was weak and afraid, it was because I knew we were on our way to some place better—without each other.
I gave up on you because I already felt like you were getting tired and weary; you did not deserve to feel that in your chest. I, too, have made peace with the fact that wrongs don't live to grow as wrongs forever. We've got tons in store for us, that's what I'd like the both of us to believe. Because us is not the ending and we should not stop right here. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one good for you, and there's another person waiting in line who would do beyond the good I have done. There are still a few chapters left in the story and I know we'll never feel this bad anymore, only if we'd be brave enough to take the first step.
I just had to give up on you. I'm sorry for being a spontaneous forecast.
Jelou Galang blogs at ajelouishnarration.tumblr.com.