From Our Readers: The Things Only You Taught Me
Hello there, it's me.
You never knew, but you lifted me from the dark place I used to find comfort in. You never knew but slowly, you pulled me out of the shadows and brought me into the light. You taught me how to open my eyes to the sun without letting it blind me. Your hand pulled mine into the graveyard of my hopes and dreams, plowing seeds into its barren plains. And there, you grew sunflowers.
You couldn't have been Superman. He wore a cape; you wore scarves. You couldn't have been an angel. They were bathed in white light; you were clothed in black. I found comfort and peace in your company. I found solitude and learned how to smile again through the songs we shared. Maybe that's why the music still haunts me.
When I met you, I hated your guts. I learned to love your candor. I didn't expect you to open up to me the way you did. When I fell in love with you, I figured you couldn't be my Knight in Shining Armor. I realized you would have wanted me to be a better version of myself. You were the puppeteer and it was my strings you found. You pulled them up, to help me stand. You tugged them forward, to teach me how to walk again.
What we had was different, special. So I'd like to thank you for the good times—for the promise of looking for trouble together. For the shoulder you lent me to cry on, the arm you held out for me to hold. I'd also want to thank you for the hurt—when you eventually left and scooped her up in your arms when I was at the weakest point of my life. I guess, I always knew it still wasn't enough. There was never an "us" anyway (even though I wish for it every night).
You taught me how to laugh when I was supposed to break down in a corner and burst in tears. You taught me how to stand tall and try to forget the existence of someone I once loved. You taught me forgiveness. You taught me how to set a painting aside and pull out a new canvas. You taught me that what we had was stronger than what I had hoped. You taught me that even though I didn't want you to, you still care. You taught me that pizza can brighten up even the dullest hospital room. You taught me acceptance. To accept that she would be there waiting for you outside the door.
READ: A World of Possibilities
You taught me that I can always go back to where I was—the comfort of the dark. I hesitated as I took my last step to it because of you. But I reminded myself that you ruined me anyway. So as the shadows crept, I let them wind up around me. I let them bury me deeper into the ground than when you found me. This time, even you can't save me because you also taught me that the one who picked up the pieces but broke me can't be the one to fix me again.
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I've been investing in arts, photography, and writing. I've also got back to reading the other day and I finished reading this amazing book entitled 300 Things I Hope by Iain S. Thomas. It is all about the things the author hopes his readers to do in all aspects of life. So, I decided to make a version of it with all of the things I'm hoping for.
I hope I get to see my friends be successful in life. I hope to make a big mural someday. I hope to be a well-known artist like the artists I look up to. I hope to marry the person I am in love with today. I hope to be a little kinder to myself. I hope to see happiness even in the smallest things. I hope to travel the world. I hope to be a good mother and a wife to my future family. I hope to have my artworks displayed in a gallery or an exhibit. I hope to learn more about creative writing. I hope I won't learn how to get tired and give up my passion. I hope I won't get too hard on myself whenever I don't get the results I've been wanting to see in my works. I hope to love myself more even on the days I hate it the most. I hope to lead and empower women; to be their voice and for them to believe in themselves that they can be the woman they look up to. And when I've reached my limit of these things, I hope I won't get tired of reminding myself that my emotions don't make me weak, hence, makes me stronger. These are some of the things I always hope for. What about you? What are you hoping for?
I started fixing myself this quarantine. I mean, I started trying makeup products. As a teen, I'm on my phone almost every hour of the day, scroll on my social media accounts, especially Instagram, and also Pinterest where you get to see nice and pleasing photography by bunch of amazing and beautiful people from different parts of the world. So I started taking my own as well. I did not know that taking your own photo and try to get an Instagramable one is sooooooooo hard, it's exhausting. I do not have alot of space in my room, and I would definitely not do it outside our house because of Corona Virus, and I don't want to be seen by our neighbors HAHA so I have no choice but to make tiis inside my room.
Out of atleast 25 shots, only 2 are a nice picture. While I'm all sweaty and tired, I am proud of what I could do beyond my comfort zone. And this definitely built my self confidence, (and I secret love the compliments I received from both people I know and don't know) It's not my first time visiting in here, Candy! But I'm new to writing my thoughts and experiences, so bare with me HAHA.
Until next time!
First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.
The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.
There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.