From Our Readers: The Letter I Will Never Send
It has been exactly a month now. How are you? How are things going on? These are just two of the million questions I badly want to ask you personally but this is the nearest I could ever be. Thousands of kilometers away from you, in my room, alone.
I won't be able to send you this message and you won't be able read this but I'm making this because at this ungodly hour, I still think of you. I badly want to know how a month without me has been. How a month with the girl you cheated on me has been. Are you guys happy? Are you even satisfied? Is it worth it? Is she worth it for you to cheat on me? I hope she is. I hope you are genuinely happy. I hope things are working out for you and the odds are in your favor.
If ever there's that one in a million chance you're wondering how I am and how I've been, I want to let you know that I'm okay. But one month without you has been a pure struggle. One month, one month I made drastic changes, enormous changes that I thought I couldn't make. Thanks to the people who picked me up when you left me at rock bottom. I'm still not fully over you. And if you ask me, I know deep inside, I'm still far from over you.
I still wonder if you are okay. If you're still suffering daily from your sinusitis, if you still take your medicines on time, or if you still practice your driving skills. And I mean the manual driving skill that i taught you. Are you still making big changes in your new school? I genuinely hope you are okay. I hope you are working on a better version of you.
Many times in the past month, I tried my best not to think of you, not to stalk your social media accounts, not to check if you uploaded a new post on Instagram with her or with the people I don't want you to be with. But you know what? Every time I make baby steps, it all comes right back to me and I can't do anything but continue to try and make those baby steps work because you left me with no choice.
I still miss you. I miss the whole you. Actually, I miss everything about you. But another month is coming up and I know I can do this without you, without our dreams, without us. Good luck to you, dear old someone from my distant past.
Written by KSL. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!