From Our Readers: The Breakup Playlist
1 The song that makes me cry – "All of Me" by John Legend
It's okay to cry, really. If that's how you think you will be okay, do not hesitate to cry. You will get tired from crying eventually. There is something about John Legend that makes me lose myself in his music. Every time I hear this song, memories come flashing back. I found myself missing even the smallest things about him—his humor, his wit, and his smile (definitely). You’re my end and my beginning. Even when I lose, I’m winning.
2 The song that makes me think of him – "Only One" by Kanye West
It's ironic how my friend asked me to listen to this song hours before the day the most horrible thing in my life happened. Maybe that's the reason why this song was on repeat in my head days after. Hello, my only one. Remember who you are. You got the world ‘cause you got the love in your hands. And you’re still my chosen one.
3 The song that completely expresses how I feel – "The Scientist" by Coldplay
If you try listening to it, I'm 100% sure that you will regret doing so afterwards. The melody quickly builds up just like a person's emotions. We can't deny the fact that we're sad, really sad. We seek for acceptable reasons. We can't wait until we're okay. We hate ourselves for still thinking about them, for asking others how they feel, and for showing that we still care. We blame ourselves for what happened. Well… nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard.
4 The song when I thought I’ve had enough – "A Little Too Much" by Shawn Mendes
The lyrics are right, but the tune—it just makes me feel beautifully sad. I was always that one person who will just keep her feelings bottled up inside. I was always that one person who will prefer to keep her mouth shut rather than to hurt others' feelings through her words. When it comes to expressing how I feel, I was always the silent one. Maybe that’s why some people took me for granted. Though everyone said that she was so strong, what they didn’t know is that she could barely carry on. But she knew that she would be okay, so she didn’t let it get in her way.
5 The song when I thought cutting strings is easy – "Free" by Haley Reinhart
A song which is actually relevant and relatable. It's not actually sad but in fact, it speaks about real love. What makes it heart wrenching is the memories that go along with the tune as you play it. I tell you, it will surely come crashing down. But anyway, thanks to Samantha for making me listen to this song. Haley Reinhart definitely brings back lots of things: good or bad.I’d like to wish you all the happiness. Maybe the truth is, it will kill me if you move on. Who is gonna be the first to say enough? Who is gonna be the first one to find true love?
6 The song that tells me to fight and to be strong – "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten
I could say that I'm a competitive person and that no matter how hard a problem is, I'll try my very best to solve it and I won't stop until I do. Basically, I want to prove others that I'm good enough. Yes, they keep on throwing high expectations, criticism, and feedback (be it positive or negative) at me. I may fail them sometimes, but I honestly try not to or else another failure will be added to my list of failures.
No matter how competitive I am, the one thing that will deeply affect me is a breakup. I see it as a loss I cannot overcome. I have the need to figure out what went wrong. As selfish as it sounds, a competitive person like me doesn't want their partner to be happy with anyone else but them. And this song, Fight Song, made me realize that I’ll get through and that I'll experience harder fights in the future. Starting right now, I’ll be strong. I’ll play my fight song. And I don’t really care if nobody else believes. 'Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me.
7 The song that sums up our relationship – "Almost Lovers" by A Fine Frenzy
A good friend of mine, Charles, suggested me to listen to this song. Unexpectedly, this sad love song jerked tears out of me faster than anything I've ever known. This song made me think, made me reminisce, and made me realize what I’ve let go of. Other than that, the chorus is an absolute mess. Goodbye, my almost lover. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I’m trying not to think about you. Can’t you just let me be?... I should’ve known you’d bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do.
8 The song that tells me it's about time to keep moving forward – "It Stops Today" by Colbie Caillat
It takes a long time for those feelings to go away, and I’m still struggling with them. One of my friends found this song then told me about it. This one hit me hard after realizing that I still haven't moved on. Sometimes it’s easy making yourself believe that you’re already fine, but one good song is all you need to wake up to the sheer reality that you’ve been trying to avoid all this time. So now, I’ll just continue sulking at the thought of it all, and wait until all the emotions hopefully get out of my system entirely. I know that the only way to beat it is by fighting my every fear. I’m not going to make it ‘til I turn around and face it alone, I know. I can’t just keep running, no I just can’t keep on running away. So it stops today.
Angeli Alyssa Andan blogs at angelialyssa.tumblr.com. Got your own story to tell? Send them to candymagazine @gmail.com and you just might get published in this space!