It may seem like I'm "jinxing" our relationship to end oh-so suddenly, but believe me, as selfish as I may sound, I wouldn't want it to end. Ever. I'm not the type to commit to whatever future where we'd hinder each other because of how different our ways of thinking are, but I think that is what has kept us together, going on strong in facing the good and bad times that have come and may come in the near future.
We are young. So young, in fact we call ourselves invincible, and the idea of us now, as teenagers, being told to act more mature and responsible while still being immature as children ignites a fire in us. We want to make the most of our youth before we are sucked into the harsh truth of reality. That includes future career aspirations and wanting to do our parents proud. That's the gist of it really, but at 17, I want so much more than just that.
We've been together for 3 years, and I couldn't be happier we've been together this long. You fought for me even if my strict parents didn't agree with our relationship. We were so young, they said. They didn't agree because of culture and tradition. But that didn't stop you. You proved to them you were willing to accept all of that because that was part of who I was. It didn't dishearten you, it made your determination even stronger for us to stay together and I am truly grateful for the love you have given me.
Like you, I've fought hard for us. You've taught me to love unconditionally despite how immature our thinking was when we first met. You may think that we'll stay together forever, but that's not how it is. In fact, I'm open to the possibility we might have to walk our separate paths, not hand-in-hand. If ever that day comes, the day you say you want to go explore and learn about the world, to grow without me, then I would let you go. That would be fair as you've done so much for me and that there are times when I think, despite every obstacle we have overcome, you deserve better than me.
This is not me breaking up with you, my love. This is me saying that I love you so much and my only wish is for you to be truly happy. Be mad at me if you will, tell me I am being insecure again, or that my imagination is running wild. This is just me saving the 50% of myself when the day my heart gets broken gets here. As much I would want to part ways with you with no tears or hearing cracks internally, that is impossible. I will always love you, that much is certain. The other 50% I gave to you I hope would be of good use to you. So if one day you meet someone better or an opportunity comes along, it will be a light to guide where you want to be. Be it with me or not.
As selfish as I am, I want you to know that you were, and still will be worth it. Every tear I cry, every smile I manage on my lips afterwards... every memory we had, I will cherish—both good and bad. No matter what the future brings.
Written by Nicole Negranza. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too!