From Our Readers: I'm Trying My Best To Give You the Love You Deserve
Hey, how are you? I really don't know how to start this since I haven't spoken to you since I asked you to stop courting me. It was a difficult decision for me to make, but I knew it had to be done. There was no future for us—I was going to move to a different continent, thousand miles away from home. I'm sorry. I know I ended it the worst way possible, not giving you an explanation that you deserved. And I wasn't able to tell you the things I wanted to, because I know if I did, I would just make things more difficult—not only for you, but for me. But I feel like we both need this closure. Or maybe, I need this. So here it goes.
Hands down, you are the most "almost perfect" guy I've met. You're funny, fun to be with, you got along with my friends, and my sister liked you. You were the perfect gentleman and the ideal boyfriend. You were very understanding of everything I had to say or do. Even the times when I fail to understand myself, you still tried and understood me the best you can. I would always say, "Shucks, I'm sorry. I've been such a pain to you these past few days." And you would always just answer me with "It's okay. It's normal. I understand." Even when I'm having mood swings, or obsessing over things and boy bands, or just even when I'm not in the mood at all, you never fail to understand and cheer me up. And for that, I am and will forever be thankful to have met someone as amazing, as brilliant, as fun, and as perfect as you.
But timing sucks, huh? We've known each other for so many years now, but have never spent so much time together just until recently. We've seen so much of each other the past few months that things just happened. We started talking more, texting every day, and then things happened. You told me you liked me one day, and told me you loved me the other. I guess for me, it all happened so fast that I don't even know what to feel, or worse, what I truly feel for you. Do I care about you? Of course. Do I like you? Maybe. Do I love you? I don't know.
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What's worse is that I'm leaving. And it's not a vacation or a holiday. I'm going to study abroad and I'm going to be away for a few years. I've mentioned this to you. You were hurt, but nonetheless, you continued caring for me and loving me the way you did. When I asked you what you were planning to do, you just told me you would continue doing what you normally did – picking me up from school, calling, texting, cheering me up, loving me. You said we still have a few months to make many memories before I leave, and you said you're willing to wait. You said you would. And I think, it's best if you don't.
What I want to say is that I'm trying. I'm trying my best to give you the love you deserve. And let me tell you this: You deserve the best love there is in this world. But unfortunately, I don't think it's with me. I can't give it to you—not right now. Not when I'm trying to be the best person I can be, not when I'm going to move across the world and leave you here waiting. I'm not even sure you would be waiting for something when I come back. But I do hope you know that I would give you all my heart if I could. If only I could.
You're the best guy I've ever met, no doubt. You're the perfect guy, but unfortunately, not the perfect one for me. I don't want to hurt you. You don't deserve to be hurt by someone like me —someone who leaves and breaks hearts of people who loved her so dearly. You deserve so much better. And because of that, I need to let you go.
I'm hoping and praying for your happiness. Thank you for everything and I'm sorry. I'll miss you. See you again soon.
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