From Our Readers: I'm Not Angry. I'm Hurt and Still Hurting.
I wrote this not because I am angry, nor do I want to make you feel guilty, but because I am hurt. We have not talked to each other for months, and it feels like my soul is mute. It feels like it has been locked up in a dark, cold, prison cell waiting to be released. I'm hurt and still hurting for things have not ended well between us. I thought we could be friends, I thought you would fight for me and would have a little bit of sympathy at least, but no. And for that, I am hurt.
It's true what people say that love comes when you least expect it because you did. When we bumped into each other at the cafeteria just a few days after we started being college freshmen. A few minutes later I received a text from an unknown number, and surprisingly it appears to be yours. From texting and seeing each other every morning, which eventually quickly escalated to an intimate close "relationship" to the point where we would secretly sneak out to the exit. Those were the happy moments, and, boy, I sure did feel happy. But they forgot to say that it could go when you least expected it as well, and now I'm left here hurting.
It's true what people say that love comes when you least expect it because you did.
Long gone were the days when you would look into my eyes, which you said were brown in color. Gone were the days where you would get jealous and told me that I was only yours (which I really find cute by the way). Gone were the days wherein you teased me and changed my last name into yours. Gone were the days. I feel taken for granted. I feel worthless. And for that I am hurt, and still hurting.
I feel taken for granted. I feel worthless. And for that I am hurt, and still hurting.
Believe it or not, I still defend you to my friends to this day. Because like I said, I'm not angry with you, and it's quite impossible for me to have anger towards you for at some point I really did love you. Heck! Who am I kidding? Maybe I will forever love you because you are the first one I have ever loved this way and had hoped that you were going to be the last. But reality hits me that it won't happen, and for that I am hurt. I know deep inside me I cannot unlove you, I just have to learn how to love you in a different way now. And for that, I am hurt and still hurting.
I know deep inside me I cannot unlove you, I just have to learn how to love you in a different way now.
I cannot blame you for everything. And I cannot blame myself as well. You became busier (or so as you have told me), and I was... well, Miss Understanding. Who was I to complain if we never were, and our situation was very much complicated? There were times when I asked you "what are we?" but you could not give me a definite answer. And deep inside me I wanted to just scream at your face and say, "We are a couple!" Because the truth is we acted like one. We acted like a couple, but you did not act like you were mine to keep for forever. I could still remember little pecks your lips gave on my cheeks until one day, it shifted direction; your lips pressed on mine. You were my first kiss. I gave in to you because I believed you deserve me and I loved you enough that I'd let you take and have every bit of me. But sadly those kisses turned out to be an ingredient to one of the reasons why I am hurt and still hurting.
I'm not angry for what has happened or for what you did to me, but I am hurt and still hurting. There is a difference there. To be honest, at that time I was a girl who was craving for some romance but scared as hell to let my guard down because I know how it feels like to be hurt. Especially with a guy like you who I know has his pride flying like planes in the sky, and has the charm that would attract any girl passing by. You may not have realized that it was only with you I took risks, it was only with you I dared to do things I have never done before, it was only with you I envisioned life with till my last breath. But now I am just another girl whom you did not even give a chance to get to know well. In short, I am just another girl added to your history list, and for that, I am hurt... and still hurting.
Sent in by Reizl An Pua. Submit your feels, too!