From Our Readers: I Lost the Game of You and Me
I could still clearly remember when you used to tell me that the most wonderful thing in the world is to love and to be loved in return, without asking for it. It became my mantra; you became my forté.
You were my great love and my greatest downfall. You loved me the best way you could and I always knew that the love you have for me breaks boundaries. And I loved you too. In the best way possible and in a way I knew how to.
I hope you know that I have always been proud of the man you've become. Every stumble you've taken has made you better or even greater. They might not know it, but in my eyes you have always been the man that you were meant to be. That even after your mistakes, I could still see the you that has been always the loving and outgoing one. That you are not your mistakes and you will never be them. That when I look at you again, I sure will look at the man that I loved.
I have always forgiven you even if you haven't apologized yet because I know myself that my love for you will always be greater than your faults. But then one day, I let it take over me. I was not the same person for a moment. I'm not the person who would hold her chest, thinking that it was her heart and pretend to feel nothing. I was lost and so this is where I am now, caught up in the moment and wanting to escape.
But no, we did what we had to do. I stayed in my path and you stayed in yours. We couldn't take it any other way. This is how it's supposed to be. Our choices, this is where they led us.I
But even if the heavens would decide that we can't be together, a part of you will always remain with me. A part that even if life takes me anywhere, I'd choose to make it stay. I have been repeating myself that I love you. Even when I knew you weren't perfect, I loved you more. For some strange reason, I always wonder why. That nothing you confess will make me love you any less. That no matter what life gives us, I'll always stay with you wherever and whenever.
There are so many things in life I would want to have it answered. Too many thoughts in my head and I feel like I'm dying. But I'm just too good at hiding. I figured that it's the best possible way to get hurt—in silence. I have learned that keeping it inside is the safest it could ever been. The truth is, I just want my reasons to die with me. I never would want anybody to know that my heart is crushed, my whole is broken. If only I could, I would be on my knees and ask for your hands again. If only, I would chase you until you run out of places to hide. If only, I would open my heart and prove to you it's been you all along. Right then and there you showed me some things are not meant to be patched up. That even if you'd fight for it, it was just not meant to be. So here I am, crying when no one could see, holding my chest just to feel if it is still working as it ought to be.
Loving you was the only hard thing to do. But even so, letting you go and loving you at the same time is the hardest. I couldn't afford to bid my farewell, but you already did me the favor.
Sent in by Chenny Labadan. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!