I don't need you.
And I can go on and on about how vulnerable I felt that night and how safe you made me feel in your midst. I can ramble about how you constantly validate me and appreciate the things about me that other people don't, but I am nowhere near needing you as much as she does.
In fact, I don't think I even need you at all. For all I care, that was all but a fleeting moment, a feeling that would eventually be going away—nothing like that of a girl who lives and breathes for you.
Was I upset by the realization that I could never have you? Yes. Was I hurt by the fact that you couldn't get yourself to stay even just for a while? Yes. There are nights wherein I feel hollow because all of these feels like a painful tease. But I always wake up the morning after remembering how I got myself up on my own two feet after taking great falls in the past and I don't need you to make me feel whole.
She, however, is still trying to process her falls and piece herself back together after being broken. With you, she's always beamed of an air of invincibility, as if she was on top of the world when she was in your arms. Any wound still fresh was healed and left no trace of scars, any feeling of insecurity was masked by the way you held her, any fear was put aside because she found all she really hoped for in you.
See, I don't think you realize how much I wanted you after that night. And that's a shame. You were lovely to me, and I think people who do good things need to know they're appreciated.
But at the same time, there's even greater shame in how you hardly ever confront the fact that she's needed you for years – ever since you came around, really. The thing is, she still does, and until you come back around and make it all okay again she isn't going to stop blaming herself for all the moments life's wronged her, especially for that one time you let her go.
I'll be fine, really. Unrequited feelings? Liking a Class A Douchebag? None of this is new to me; I'm used to it. In fact I'm so accustomed to the entire situation that I was able to retreat from it even before it blew up. And besides, it's not as if you'll worry about me anyway.
But please, don't stop worrying about her, and don't let it stop at worrying. I can only do so much. Our friends can only do so much. But you, you can do everything.
Believe me when I say I don't need you.
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