From Our Readers: Goodbye to My Old Self
Tears would greet you every morning when you wake up. It seemed like you were already worrying about a bad day ahead. While you were riding the jeepney on your way to school, those tears would still fall down on your bare face. You'd cross the streets while wiping those wet eyes. You'd always visit the chapel, knelt down to the pew, closed your eyes while silently saying a prayer, and crying like you were carrying something heavy in your heart. This seemed to be your daily routine.
Everyone would ask if you were okay, but still, you'd answer them with tears—tears that were constantly falling. You tried to open up to the people you trusted the most, but even they didn't understand you. They always believed that you were the wrong one, and made wrong impressions based on your thoughts, and talked behind your back.
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You were eating your lunch alone but finally, those tears were gone. You faced to your right and saw the girls at the next table giggling while taking selfies. I didn't know why, but your tears started to roll down again. Maybe because you saw yourself not as happy as them? You saw yourself alone. You saw yourself pitiful. Why did you choose to be alone?
You were always alone. You always traveled to the nearby town alone. You strolled at the mall alone.
You told everyone that you were depressed but surprisingly, no one believed you. They said that no one gets depressed with such little things and because of this, you felt more alone. You felt that no one would ever believe in you.
The thing that I admire about you is that you did not think of giving up on yourself even though your life was full of loneliness. Thank you for still getting your hopes up because if you did not, I would not realize that this life is worth living. I would not find the real meaning of happiness, I would not meet my oh-so fun-to-be-with barkada. I would not be able to find peace at home. And I would not get into this place where I feel that I truly belong. I know that you will always be a part of my life and my memories but I promise myself that you will never ever destroy me.
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Goodbye, old self. Goodbye to those tear-filled mornings. Goodbye to the loneliness that almost broke me.
Sent in Hazel Nicole Carreon. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured! Please send original, unpublished work only.