How can I move on from the person who gave me so much to remember? Although I try my best to forget you, I can't do it. Because you were once the person who taught me what love felt like. Yes, you shattered my heart, but you're still the one who could make it whole again. For three years, my heart still yearns for you. For three years, my whole being still longs for your presence. And even though I pretend that I've moved on already, there was never a night that you didn't cross my mind.
Some nights I could sleep easily, while there are nights when I feel happy. But most nights, I think of you. Most nights, I cry for you. I think of the "us" that never happened and the memories we were about to share together. Now, I wonder. Was there ever a time that I crossed your mind too?
I know it's impossible. Everything about you and me is impossible. It's impossible for you to love a girl like me. It's impossible to think that we're still meant to be. And when my friends ask me if I have no plans of forgetting you, I tell them, I have plans- Not plans of forgetting you, but plans of saving my heart from more heartbreak.
Because yeah, I know you never loved me. I know you never cared about me. I know you never thought about me. And it pains me, but I'm just too stupid. I'm too stupid because for three years, I've been contented with this pain. I'm contented with being too stupid for you. My heart is already numb.
So please, please don't tell me to stop thinking about you. Because I can't. I don't want to. I'd rather get hurt over and over than forget you. I'm half a heart without you. Loving you is already a part of my system, and removing you from my system would definitely cause a "system malfunction."
Victoria Liz C. Macam is a Mass Communication student from UP Cebu. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!