Who would've thought you could find a sister in a friend? Two 4-year-old girls who told each other everything, who had a pact to have each other's back, and who had promises of friendship that would last forever. That was "us,"emphasis on WAS. A friendship of so many firsts and illusions of lasts. But, alas, nothing lasts forever and so I guess we're best friends for NEVER. 9 years. That's how long we had that flawed-but-seemingly perfect best friendship. But, I guess, those 9 long years were not enough to establish trust and loyalty.
The really funny thing is that I knew something was wrong with our friendship. You wanted to hang out with the "big" crowd and the popular girls while I chose to hang with people who don't love the limelight. You disregarded me as your BFF cause there were girls much more powerful, more beautiful, and more than anything I am. What special thing we had was slowly disappearing but I always thought of you as my best friend. We were still "us" until that one night that changed everything.
READ: Note to Self
It was a late summer night. I was watching a reality show full of teenage drama, when someone called. The topics were the usual random stuff then it suddenly got serious. She confessed about everything you told her and the others about me. All those rumors about me being a flirt, boastful, fake, and all other insults started from you—the person whom I trusted for years, my other soul. And of course, rumors weren't enough. You still had to share my secrets—including telling OUR crush that I had a crush on him right in front of me. All I did was cry and question what I did to deserve all this. I didn't take revenge on you because I couldn't do it so I just ignored you (except for the awkward "hi").
Maybe fate was on my side because the year after that we were in different classes. It helped me move on from you, from us. But rumors just don't die out, do they? I was very insecure and thought so little of myself. I kept asking my friends if they believed them because I just needed to know that they weren't all brainwashed by those rumours. I constantly needed assurance that my friends liked me because I was scared of losing more friends. My plan was to ignore you so that my life could get better. But did it?
I have to say thank you so much for teaching me that trust is very valuable. That loyalty can't be measured in years and that some people aren't meant to be in your life as expected. People may say that I have a great life right now, maybe I have. But, there is a mark you made in my heart that will forever be etched in here. A cut you left so deep that even time may not heal. Trust Issues. It's tough to trust again, to tell one person everything about you, and to have that sort of attachment. I get paranoid now with all that's happening where my secrets are involved. I have to say, I'm sorry for ever thinking that the second F in BFF was there for a reason. I think I have forgiven you but hurt is still evident in my actions when I hear about you. I hope, one day, when we meet again, a little older and mature, we'll smile at each other genuinely and be friends once again—just like kindergarten.
READ: She Was Once Your Friend
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