From Our Readers: An Open Letter to the Girl Who Fell in Love with Her Friend
Sometimes, when you fall for a guy who happens to be your friend, keep in mind that if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings and do the things you expect him to do, it isn't his fault. It's not actually your fault either. You shouldn't get mad at him. He doesn't have the obligation to return your feelings. It isn't right to project all your bitterness towards him without him knowing the reason why.
Let's get to the root of the problem: You like him. You don't know if he likes you back. The curiosity, the possibility, and the answer chews you up inside. Girls, put your hands up in the air! We've all been there.
Those times when you catch him sneaking glances at some other girl you know he's a had a crush on since forever, respect it. Promise yourself you won't get angry at that girl. She doesn't deserve the anger. Neither does the guy. They're both casualties in this sick scheme your heart concocted.
There are times when you want to spend time with him. When you want to watch a movie with him, but you've never done that even before you had feelings for him. Who wouldn't be a little bit creeped out and suspicious if you asked him out-of-the-blue to watch a movie with you?
That cheeky group message you only sent out to him? He'll probably find out eventually that you only sent it to him since you two are supposed to be in the same circle of friends.
And your overly sweet voice you suddenly have whenever he's on the other line, cross-checking his answers on your Statistics homework. Girl, smooth out your skirt and clear your throat. Sit on your hands, he'll never ask you out after getting the answers.
You're a complete fool if you're going to waste your precious time on a boy who'll probably never look at you that way. Boys don't complicate labels. When you establish relationships, especially when friendship is involved, you're most likely stuck there. Still hopeful? Okay so maybe except for a) The slim chance that usually happens in a rom-com movie, when the guy eventually falls for the girl too; or b) The possibility of you getting together in yournext life. But who has the time to wait for forever?
Listen to me. Let time pass. Stop being so spiteful. You're only pushing him away and destroying your friendship. Weigh the better option. Don't make harsh choices and be careful with your actions and never, ever fight with him knowing you're driven by the reasons he can't love you. He can't love you yet because he doesn't even know you have feelings for him and you won't tell him. Because if it were that easy, this letter wouldn't exist in the first place. He might be aware of the possibility of you and him, but only if you show the tiniest hint. He probably won't make The Move.
Boys, hate getting rejected, who does? Rejection only reminds us that we're not good enough. So don't place the blame on him.
Girls religiously believe the old myth: "Thou art not maketh the primordial moveth." Hasn't Rosie Dunne or Lara Jean ever taught you anything? So what are you goign to do? Bottle up your feelings and let them age for years like fine wine? So we can't blame the girls either.
If you're both really MFEO, all these hindrances will melt away. If not, the right guy for you will make his way to you. Someone who sees you not as a sister or a friend, but a woman he'd proudly hold hands with around campus and drive with around town. When you find him, you're good to go. If you're still searching for him, don't stress out.
Here's a tip: A girl who tells a guy that she likes him shouldn't be thought of as degrading or taboo. You don't want somebody else to beat you to the punch. Be brave and tell him you like him, or someone else will do it first. And you don't want that. Don't let courage be the difference between you and her. I believe you're better than her.
Written by Nikki Diane Cadiz.