From Our Readers: A Letter to My Old Self
It wasn't your fault.
It wasn't your mood swings, your weird quirks, your darkest secrets. You didn't push him away, made him run for his life, demolished love with your own hands. It wasn't anything you did, or didn't do, to make you deserve all this pain. So don't blame yourself.
It's okay to not be okay right now.
It's okay to want to hide under your blankets, to not want to face the world because everywhere has his face on them. It's okay to mourn every night until your tear ducts dry out and the only thing that could quench your thirst is alcohol. It's okay to search for the high, to feel lost. It's okay, because all this is temporary.
You are not broken.
Your heart may feel like it's in pieces, but you are still whole. You may feel weak but you are not helpless. You are not a train wreck just because you stumble home drunk with mascara running down your eyes after a night of forgetting. You are beautiful and worth loving. Don't you ever forget that.
Everything will be okay.
I will come up front to you on this one, no lies, no sugar coating—things will stay hard for a while. There will be days when taking him off your mind is like scrubbing off a tattoo until you're all bloody yet it still stares at you, mockingly. And there will be nights when breathing is hardest, and you start to think that you might not wake up tomorrow if you close your eyes. But you will get through this. Scarred maybe, but stronger. You will win this battle. You will let love in again one day, and you will be thankful for surviving this.
Sent in by Kari. Got your own story to tell? Drop us an email at candymagazine @gmail.com! We'd love to hear what you have to say. If you're lucky, you just might get published in this space, too! Please indicate if you want to remain anonymous. We're also looking for artwork and illustrations to use with the stories, so please send some in if you want to be featured!