I didn't know that you'd affect my life big time. You were mine and I was yours. And I still am now, how about you? Can I still call you mine? Ours was a love that only few knew. Just the two of us plus some close friends. We surely were happy. You are a secret that I want to tell the whole world. No, not just say it. I wanted to shout it out loud for everyone to know. I want them to know how much I love you and how happy I am that you love me too. But I can't. We can't. This love isn't made to be known because this love is forbidden. We both aren't allowed to be into a relationship. I tried my best not to guard my heart from my budding feelings for you but I can't. How can I? You are my best friend and you've been very good to me. All the times I needed you, you were there. Believe me, I tried.
We've been together for a year. For a year, you've made me the happiest person. You were perfect for me and I was too for you as you would say back then. We never really had problems with each other. We never even had a fight. Only few petty problems that can be counted one one hand. You were my home. I find comfort whenever I am with you. You are my happiness. All bad vibes I'm feeling seem to fade away once you are present. You're always there for me reminding me not to worry about things and that God is in control. To sum things up, what we do is just to be together and be happy with each other's company. Everything was perfect for us. That's what I thought. Because if everything was perfect you'd still be here by my side. Why did you leave me? I kept asking myself even if I know the answer. I just can't accept the fact that you did. How could you?
From the start I knew that this love wasn't allowed. From the start, I knew that my heart should be guarded and I should build up walls around myself. But the moment I think about you it keeps going down. The moment you held my hand, you also held my heart. And those precious smile of yours, those smiles I wish to see every day. I just couldn't afford to lose you. So, I stepped forward and took risk. You told me that we can get through this. You told me you'd find a way for us to be together. You told me you don't want to lose me. I believed in you. But where are you now? Yes, I too share the blame but you promised me. You you made me believe that we could last forever. You made me believe that you would never let me go. But you just did. I trusted you. Thank you for proving me wrong. And thank you for proving me that promises were meant to be broken.
What happened to us? Wasn't I worth holding onto? Am I really easy to leave? Understanding is easy, but acceptance isn't. I know your reason is valid, but it pains me. My heart aches so much I can't help but weep every time you appear in my mind and dreams. I can't accept the fact that the person who completes my everyday is now gone. I was left hanging. I was willing to fight for us, to make it work, to keep you, us, but I didn't know I was alone in the battle. I was still holding on not knowing you had already let go. Now you treat me like a stranger and it hurts to see you pass me by. Did it even hurt you? Please tell me it did. Because it hurts my heart knowing how easy it was for you to throw it all away. Do you even think about me? Because I do. All the time I do. I still love you. I love you so much. I love to love you and it's breaking me. I'd seriously give up all I have just to have you back here by my side again. I can do it for you but can you do it for me? No. I understand, I need to. But. I just can't stop. I can't unlove you. I can't even hate you for doing this. How can I? Can you just untake this heart?
These days were the darkest of my life. Thanks to God I'm still able to wake up and live my life the way it is without you. It's difficult but I need to get back on track. I know this pain is going to stay with me for a long time because that's how it is. Pain is inevitable and pain demands to be felt. But hey, life goes on and we shouldn't stress over someone who doesn't even think about us. We had the right love at the wrong time. There are things right now that we must put aside first and unfortunately that's love. But someday, in God's time, in His perfect timing, if He wills, I hope our lives cross paths again and maybe give this love a second chance in the right time where I am right for you and you are right for me. Right now, I will keep my distance from you to keep this heart from breaking even more but I will wait for you. I will wait for you because honestly, I don't want anybody else. Maybe someday I read this again and things didn't work out the way I wanted it to, but it's okay. It only means God has a better plan for me, for us. For now, I just want to thank you for being by my side when I needed you most back then. Thank you for all those wonderful memories we made when I used to call you mine. I love you. I will always do.
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