"Dreaming Big And Chasing Goals Used To Be Exciting, Not Anymore"
It seemed so long ago when you promised yourself you’d do something cool with your life this year, like going on your first trip with the barkada, attending a concert you’ve patiently saved up for, spending a semester abroad, or even something as simple as attending your batch graduation. When you think about it, it was only five months—MONTHS—ago when you made one of these your New Year’s resolution.
Things were looking up and you finally decided to call 2020 your year. But the world suddenly stopped when a pandemic emerged, and everything about the way we all used to live eventually changed as well.
We used to imagine that chasing our dreams meant going on risky but exciting adventures and jumping into the unknown. But in the midst of a pandemic, the 'unknown' doesn’t seem exciting anymore because it’s not the kind of unknown we willingly chose to dive into. If you had any sort of plans, big or small, that got cancelled, here are some things you might be feeling right now:
It feels like you can’t afford to ‘dream’ anymore.
When we’re faced with a global health crisis, the way we prioritize our needs also shifts. Our hopes of chasing after dreams and goals waned all of a sudden because we have more urgent and more important things to worry about right now. Abraham Maslow’s theory on the hierarchy of needs supports this sentiment. According to the psychologist’s theory, individuals tend to satisfy physiological and safety needs first before they pursue the needs related to self-fulfillment.
Maybe you wanted to pursue further studies and take up masters abroad, but with layoffs happening left and right, you might think that the money you’ll spend for it is better kept for your family’s needs instead. While a pandemic is still in the picture, it suddenly feels wrong and selfish to prioritize your dreams.
You're stuck, literally and figuratively.
Quarantine restrictions may have eased up, but it’s still safer to stay inside where there’s a slim chance of acquiring and spreading the virus. Staying at home sounded pretty doable at first. You suddenly had all the time to do things you were too busy to do before. But eventually, you’ll start to feel the kind of ‘tired’ that isn’t from commuting or being in school all day. It’s the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep can’t easily fix.
Because we can’t go outside as freely as we used to, it feels like we’ve also lost the ability to step outside our comfort zones. We’re stuck—literally and figuratively—inside, and it’s making us feel like nothing is within our control.
But, it’s not the end of your goals.
This year, nothing may have worked out the way you planned. But it’s not the end of the road just yet. Think of it as plans getting delayed instead of cancelled. Some day, you’ll find another opportunity to set out on your life-long dreams.
For now, though, use this time to work on things you’ll need to reach your goals in the future. Build on the necessary skills, learn new things, read up. Or take a break, do nothing and clear your mind, slow your pace down and rebuild your habits. All these little things that might not seem like they’ll get you anywhere are actually small steps towards accomplishing your goals.
Your timetable may have been shaken up and your plans may have gotten delayed, but you’re still on the right track, and if you just keep going no matter how slowly, you’ll eventually reach your destination.
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these sheets that exactly remind me of how I gushed in between my pillow and space you filled in the longing of my burned sorrow put smile to my sober face just like how a three year old receive her lollipop
i searched you everywhere and here you are laying down beside me in my imagination the walls that our screens built a boundary and an obvious message that says i can never have you because you wear clerical shirt and obviously you loved someone else before me
oh god, do I really want this forbidden love? that only exist in my imagination? that only exist through my words? would you, meine liebling, notice me and my art one second? because I am dying to say I love you.
A Simple Learner Who's a Great Pretender
Maybe I'm just a learner, not a weirdo. A learner that knows how to listen and pretend. A simple learner who's a great pretender. Pretending to be slightly dumb enough not to be judged and criticized by those who do not appreciate my existence. We surround ourselves with people who's levels are either beyond or below our intellectual behavior, because as for reality, people may use you either for their success or your downfall. Since then, people tend to judge someone who has an intellect with things they shouldn't be. Making them a criticizer, and most of all, calling them weird.
Honestly, I'm one of this "weirdo" who actually loves to learn things, and for the record, I'm bullied and stressed out for making myself not to learn more and go with the flow to dumbness I had. Have you ever feel being assigned to some task where you know every process to make it easier and faster to finish but turns out to hesitate to voice out because some of your mates put themselves in charge. There are times where I know what to do, what to say, or how to react, but kept myself silent and pretend not to know anything that may help us. Maybe it's a good thing to just go with their ideas and learn from their perspectives, but sometimes you can't control it and says something, and once again called to be a weirdo and let you finish the work by yourself.
It's annoying that you only know one process yet they gave you the whole work and let you finish it by yourself because they insist that "MAGALING KA DIBA?". It's not your fault being an intellectual person, knowing such things that may help you to pursue your dreams, and have the basic knowledge about something. You don't need to know everything, just the basics. And as for those people who do not appreciate your existence, let them be and continue what's the best for you. In some cases, you'll be annoyed by this but most of the time you'll be thankful for it. Not for now but maybe later. Just be yourself either a weirdo, a great pretender, or a simple learner, and always remember to lower your voice and behavior because no one loves that.
Just be a great pretender not to hear any runts and be a good learner that appreciates everything. It's out of nowhere thoughts of mine, but simply I leave you this my favorite life quotation; "Don't introduce yourself, Let your success introduce you"
Dear me in six years, I wonder how life will treat you when you’re already 26 years old. Will you be financially stable? Will you be working in an advertising agency while pursuing everything about the arts? Will you be doing freelancing and living in a condo by then? I don’t know since things are very uncertain. I hope by the time you graduate from college and face the real meaning of the world, you’ll know what the real purpose of doing and living in the art will be.
I know it’s been so tough ever since you turned 20 but that’s how life works, I guess. There will be a lot of hopes and trials, breakdowns, and breakthroughs but I have high hopes of you becoming the better version of yourself. You always do, though. You were never a quitter. Making decisions is getting harder and harder as you grow but I hope it doesn’t make you stop doing what you really love to do. You will face different people with different perspectives. You will feel like a stranger once again, it’s like you were back in your freshmen year. It’s going to be tougher than you’ve expected but you can do it. I believe you can.
Most of the time, people's perception of us as a strong person makes us feel that we are not entitled to be vulnerable because they might be disappointed for seeing our weak spots. And so when we are hurting, we are often scared of extreme emotions and so bury our feelings. We deny them, trying to avoid the pain we feel.
But by doing that, we are just allowing it to come back to us and haunt us. And when it comes back, it might be stronger and it will be harder for us to get over it than when we faced them first. I realized it just now that facing those emotions will scare them until they're gone. The saying 'Let it hurt until it hurts no more' goes true. Admitting your pain to yourself doesn't make you weak. It only proves that you are strong enough to acknowledge such extreme emotions without avoiding them. We are humans and it's okay if we hurt sometimes.
Before, sliding over the rainbows
Now, our hearts are bruised
Days once full of love and laughter
Became dawns of forfeited ever after
Smiles that bring ticklish sensations
Turned to cold question and answer
Figuring who would be the next instructor
The queen’s awake
Grappling to the happiness that the sorrow and sadness take
Going back to all the promises he couldn’t make
Poetry #2: YOUR VOICE
When you talk, your voice brightens my days. You provide me comfort in all the little things that you do. Your deep and mellow voice sends a tingling feeling inside me that makes me want to keep you in my life. I love talking to you every time, every day, every night and every minute if I could. You're someone just simply amazing.