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Body Positivity: The Struggle Is Real

Women share stories about their struggles with body size, skin color, hair type, and a lot more.
IMAGE Grrrl Gang Manila/Facebook

We all have our own reasons why we feel insecure about ourselves. Sometimes, it's of our own doing—we compare ourselves to others, we set unattainable standards—but other times, although well-meaning, it's what other people make us feel, too.

Remember when we wrote about Grrrl Gang Manila and how it's creating a safe, non-judgmental space for women of all ages in the Philippines? They recently shared Coco Quizon's journey toward body positivity and encouraged everyone to share their own struggles and the ways they've come to accept their bodies.

"Like many grrrls, I grew up pretty unhappy with my body. I would microanalyze every tiny bit of my form to the point that at one stage I wanted to be a certain weight because I realized that my head was just too big for my body and if I got any thinner magmumukha akong Easter Island carving.

Recently, it's been more about my struggle with weightor I guess, more succinctly put, the struggle other people have with my weight and how it affects me.

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Over the last two years, I gained 75 pounds by just getting lost in my work, eating my feelings, and really just #enjoyinglife. When I'm alone and with my thoughts my added weight really doesn't mean much to me and only when in the company of others do I begin second guessing the way I see myself. And I realized that over the years, my struggle with body positivity was really my struggle to manage the microaggressions being hurled at me everydaymy favorite one, being 'Ang laki ng tinaba mo pero bagay naman sayo'. It feels like a small tiny battle that restarts every day. Kapagod minsan, Sis. Lol."

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Unsurprisingly, many women replied with similar stories, ranging from body size, skin color, hair type, and a lot more. Here are some of the replies.

"I used to be a size 0 and super fit, but when I hit 30 I started gaining weight and it's become harder and harder to keep it off.

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One of the things I struggle with is people who know me keep comparing my body to my younger self, and talking about how I'm 'sayang.'

I've gone up two dress sizes but I'm hardly sayang! My self-worth isn't tied to my weight! I know in my head that I'm so much more than my body but it still makes me feel bad. I can't say that I've come to accept my body for what it is, it's a continuing struggle," says commenter Aissa.

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Grrrl Gang co-founder (or as they like to call it, cheerleader) Mich Dulce also had her fair share of struggles.

My body issue growing up was my curly hair. Everyone would make fun of me and the bullies in high school would throw paper bits in my hair and laugh when it stuck, or they would call me Sto. Nino and make peace signs all the way through college.

It used to really annoy me and affect me so much but one day I just was like, screw this, I'm just never going to look like everyone else. Then I started to dress up the way I wanted, not following what was deemed to be 'standard.' I started to learn to dress for my body type, accepting that I'm not waif, my arms are big and my boobs are big.

But I still battle with many things, I still wish I could just wear sleeveless clothing but my insecurities won't let me (I have a problem with showing my arms) , and I don't feel good about myself around strangers without ten layers of make up." 

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Marla Darwin, also one of the movement's cheerleaders said, "I take issue with how a lot of well-meaning people telling me how I should feel about my body. I sit on top of the privilege heap being a skinny size 4, but I still have my insecurities.

I have a huge bra size, which motherhood exacerbated.

Every time I step out in a bathing suit or I'm around people when I'm dressing up, I always deal with comments about my boobs. When I say that I don't like having them, I get drowned with people saying I'm so lucky, I shouldn't complain, etc."

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"I dropped a lot of weight in a very unhealthy manner in late 2015/early 2016, at the height of my freshly diagnosed clinical depression. And I thought it would make me happier, but even when I dropped two dress sizes and weighed in at 114—the thinnest I'd been since I was a pre-teen, so thin that my parents were freaking out—nothing changed. I didn't like myself better, I wasn't happier, I didn't suddenly meet the love of my life because I was thin and conventionally attractive. And it was an amazing realization.

I'm hovering at 130 again, and while I still don't necessarily like the way I look and still feel unattractive (lol blame it on my long distance ex who basically told me I let myself go right before telling me he had sex with someone else), I'm also not unhappy.

I've been enjoying life; it's really others' expectations that I grapple with. If I were in a room by myself, I'd be great, but when I step out, it's like that pressure to look the way people think I should look just rears its ugly head again and makes me feel like less.

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And I hate that," commented Regina Belmonte.

Another commenter, Emily, also shared about her skin color. "One of my challenges is coming to terms with colorism amongst Filipinas, and how it has affected me at different stages in my life.

"I was dark all my childhood. As in, people would make Black people jokes about it and comment about how my yaya was lighter than me ("How can she be the house maid when you're so dark?") and how I shouldn't play outdoor sports."

If you want to read more stories, we've included the post that started it all below.

Let's talk body positivity! Did you relate to any of the struggles the other females had (or still have)? 

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Mara Agner
Assistant Lifestyle and Features Editor
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PRIMO.

First. Pixie dust and paper cuts – these are the first things Wendy knew about Peter Pan. Aurora first met Prince Philip when she was sixteen. Learning how to ride a bike was also a first while I was growing up, but you are probably the first of too many. The first collection of dust and stars; maybe Luna will try to ask, who was your first? I might answer and tell her that it was you.

The first of too many stars in the sky. You are the first of too many fallen leaves during fall – and you will be the most anticipated snowflake as winter comes. A dark path that you can’t see without any light, hence, you were once the moon and there are the stars that shine so bright at night. Are we too early? Or we just really want to be ahead of time? Even in a glimpse, I would like to see the two of us connect as if we can reach the sky. There are other parts of the heavens you have never saw and other oceans you haven’t laid your feet onto – but the constellations will always wait for you. Close your eyes, love, close your eyes. Start counting backward: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Count backward until you see the twinkling lights that will guide you to the right path. To the right satellite; to the right person. A first.

There are many firsts – first love, first heartbreak, first sport you played, the first thing you do in the morning, the first thing you remember about the person in front of you. There are a lot. It’s actually up to us how we will consider something as a first. So, Primo, you are already a first of too many.

Bea Alamis A day ago
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