"Minsan Nakaka-OP Siya": Being An Irregular Student Is Tougher Than It Seems
College… just saying it makes me want to cry and sleep at the same time. It's hard enough for a regular student, but what irregular students face on a daily basis can sometimes be harder to handle. Not only because they have to take more units than us or take classes twice, it's also due to other inevitable underlying factors that come along with it. Josh Espinoza, a fourth-year marketing management student at San Beda University, shares his ups and downs on his journey as a current irregular student.
The reason behind becoming an irreg
It began in the school year of 2017 when he transferred from UST CFAD as a Fine Arts student majoring in Advertising Arts to become a BSBA Marketing Management major at SBU. He shifted courses because he couldn't see his work receiving the grades it deserves. “It wasn't really worth it for me because I used to create plates as big as 15x20, or even bigger. I usually stay up for a total of two days with minimal food intake because I have to focus on finishing my plate, after doing that, I usually get a grade of 2.75 or even a 5.” He felt useless, unwelcomed, and unworthy. So he thought, if continuing the course he had in UST meant that he would endure negative feelings throughout college, it might just be better to shift courses despite knowing that he will be an irregular student.
You'll have to work extra hard because of your extra load.
A recurring problem that irreg students face is that the load they take every semester is often heavier than regular students’ since they are catching up on their classes. So, since then, time management became his friend in order to excel. And that is true, balancing everything and knowing what to prioritize can be overwhelming at times, but as you get used to it, it can help you be successful in your future endeavors.
It makes you feel O.P. sometimes.
Besides catching up with classes for his new course, various problems started to latch on to him as well. In his first semester in SBU, he failed one of his classes and got mixed with a different block as he had to take it a second time around—which was a tough fate to go through since he did not know anyone from there. "I didn't know anyone... the profs they have, the blockmates of the section I enrolled in, no one. I didn't know what I was going to do. When the first to the third week of classes came, I didn't know what they're talking about."
Adjusting to a new class is one of the prevalent dilemmas that irreg students encounter: Not knowing who to contact when you need help on your subjects, missing reminders often because you're not included in the class group chat, and witnessing the block’s bond and inside jokes and not being able to relate and laugh along. He shared, "It all went fine but it was so hard not being with your blockmates. You don't know what they are up to because they have a different schedule than you, you have no idea where you can reach for help since you're just fairly new to the other section. Everything was so confusing."
You'll feel unsure of yourself sometimes.
Intimidation also got the best of him along the way. Since he's new in the program and all of his classmates already had a working idea of what they are studying, he felt like he was below his peers.
"Siguro iyong time na nagsabay-sabay ang deadline in one day and I was so anxious to the point where I didn't want to pass it all because I wasn't really satisfied with the requirements I did. Then ‘yun, I did [submit] my requirements but I flunked them all," he said.
That did not let him slow down his pace though. He began to change his perspective on his situation into a more positive view and changed his behavior towards the hardships he encountered.
You’ll find your way around it.
He knew that the only way out of his misery was to change his attitude towards it. He shared what he did to adapt, "I worked on building connections with other people outside my block [since I realized we could] help one another pass the subject rather than compete with each other."
College is not about who's on top and who's not. It's breaking your barriers to explore and create connections that can help you grow not only as a student, but as an individual. Take it from Josh's experience—"I've learned how to compromise and mingle with others. It really takes time for other people to get used to what they have or what they are given..." This shows that taking the time to know how you can fix the problem is better than just letting it be that way and going with the flow. You can't move forward until you make an effort to get out of that deadly zone.
Just a reminder from Josh to his fellow irreg students, "Don't lose hope if you flunked a subject or two... there's still someone willing to help you get through whatever problems you're having. Try to build connections in your school because it'll be a huge help to your college and work life in the future."
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these sheets that exactly remind me of how I gushed in between my pillow and space you filled in the longing of my burned sorrow put smile to my sober face just like how a three year old receive her lollipop
i searched you everywhere and here you are laying down beside me in my imagination the walls that our screens built a boundary and an obvious message that says i can never have you because you wear clerical shirt and obviously you loved someone else before me
oh god, do I really want this forbidden love? that only exist in my imagination? that only exist through my words? would you, meine liebling, notice me and my art one second? because I am dying to say I love you.
A Simple Learner Who's a Great Pretender
Maybe I'm just a learner, not a weirdo. A learner that knows how to listen and pretend. A simple learner who's a great pretender. Pretending to be slightly dumb enough not to be judged and criticized by those who do not appreciate my existence. We surround ourselves with people who's levels are either beyond or below our intellectual behavior, because as for reality, people may use you either for their success or your downfall. Since then, people tend to judge someone who has an intellect with things they shouldn't be. Making them a criticizer, and most of all, calling them weird.
Honestly, I'm one of this "weirdo" who actually loves to learn things, and for the record, I'm bullied and stressed out for making myself not to learn more and go with the flow to dumbness I had. Have you ever feel being assigned to some task where you know every process to make it easier and faster to finish but turns out to hesitate to voice out because some of your mates put themselves in charge. There are times where I know what to do, what to say, or how to react, but kept myself silent and pretend not to know anything that may help us. Maybe it's a good thing to just go with their ideas and learn from their perspectives, but sometimes you can't control it and says something, and once again called to be a weirdo and let you finish the work by yourself.
It's annoying that you only know one process yet they gave you the whole work and let you finish it by yourself because they insist that "MAGALING KA DIBA?". It's not your fault being an intellectual person, knowing such things that may help you to pursue your dreams, and have the basic knowledge about something. You don't need to know everything, just the basics. And as for those people who do not appreciate your existence, let them be and continue what's the best for you. In some cases, you'll be annoyed by this but most of the time you'll be thankful for it. Not for now but maybe later. Just be yourself either a weirdo, a great pretender, or a simple learner, and always remember to lower your voice and behavior because no one loves that.
Just be a great pretender not to hear any runts and be a good learner that appreciates everything. It's out of nowhere thoughts of mine, but simply I leave you this my favorite life quotation; "Don't introduce yourself, Let your success introduce you"
Dear me in six years, I wonder how life will treat you when you’re already 26 years old. Will you be financially stable? Will you be working in an advertising agency while pursuing everything about the arts? Will you be doing freelancing and living in a condo by then? I don’t know since things are very uncertain. I hope by the time you graduate from college and face the real meaning of the world, you’ll know what the real purpose of doing and living in the art will be.
I know it’s been so tough ever since you turned 20 but that’s how life works, I guess. There will be a lot of hopes and trials, breakdowns, and breakthroughs but I have high hopes of you becoming the better version of yourself. You always do, though. You were never a quitter. Making decisions is getting harder and harder as you grow but I hope it doesn’t make you stop doing what you really love to do. You will face different people with different perspectives. You will feel like a stranger once again, it’s like you were back in your freshmen year. It’s going to be tougher than you’ve expected but you can do it. I believe you can.
Most of the time, people's perception of us as a strong person makes us feel that we are not entitled to be vulnerable because they might be disappointed for seeing our weak spots. And so when we are hurting, we are often scared of extreme emotions and so bury our feelings. We deny them, trying to avoid the pain we feel.
But by doing that, we are just allowing it to come back to us and haunt us. And when it comes back, it might be stronger and it will be harder for us to get over it than when we faced them first. I realized it just now that facing those emotions will scare them until they're gone. The saying 'Let it hurt until it hurts no more' goes true. Admitting your pain to yourself doesn't make you weak. It only proves that you are strong enough to acknowledge such extreme emotions without avoiding them. We are humans and it's okay if we hurt sometimes.
Before, sliding over the rainbows
Now, our hearts are bruised
Days once full of love and laughter
Became dawns of forfeited ever after
Smiles that bring ticklish sensations
Turned to cold question and answer
Figuring who would be the next instructor
The queen’s awake
Grappling to the happiness that the sorrow and sadness take
Going back to all the promises he couldn’t make
Poetry #2: YOUR VOICE
When you talk, your voice brightens my days. You provide me comfort in all the little things that you do. Your deep and mellow voice sends a tingling feeling inside me that makes me want to keep you in my life. I love talking to you every time, every day, every night and every minute if I could. You're someone just simply amazing.