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An Open Letter To Those Who Feel Lost

It's not about how the book ends, but how the chapters flow. To create a beautiful tale after all, you have to wholeheartedly embrace the joy and grief that life can throw.
IMAGE Clare Magno

How many nights have passed wherein you weren't staring into the hollow darkness of your bedroom ceiling? You're laying there again... feeling empty, hopeless, lost. This conversation could go a million and one ways. People feel lost for an infinite amount of reasons. Nonetheless every story ends the same way: you simply feel stuck, bereft of any perceivable goal, direction, or plan. Since when did you let go of life's unpredictability and trade it for the disorganized rut that's leading you further and further away from your true happiness in the first place?

When did money, bills, or material things come before your joy? Your health? Your passion?

You watch as others work towards reaching their life goals—ceaselessly working, relentlessly grinding, desperately crawling their way up to where they want to go. Everyone is working, hustling, bursting with persistent determination. All for chasing that elusive destination—whatever or wherever it may be.

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Everything just happens so fast that if you blink you'll miss it.

But all this struggling? It just doesn't make sense to you.

How can they be sprinting forward whereas you stay there with your feet rooted to the floor with no right destination, no goal, no hope, no dreams, almost as if you can't do anything to escape no matter what you do? How can someone feel so helpless?

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There are those cold nights you know all too well. Nights wherein you just lay in bed staring into nothing only to find the will to get up almost an impossible feat. After all, how can someone live without motivation to do anything? Not that you're lazy or you refuse to get anywhere in life. But you just can't find your calling, your purpose, your sense of belonging—and like a tragic tale, it's simply something that people can't understand.

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Then the fear starts creeping in.

You grip your sheets and feel the stinging tears threatening to fall—and then your emptiness begins to claw its way out. You begin to fear that you will forever be a lost soul. Endlessly attempting to belong, ceaselessly trying to make a connection, and building bridges that you know  in your heart will only crumble into dust in the end.

"I feel lost..." You catch yourself whispering again. You remember the first time you said it, overwhelmed by the gravity of your situation. Come to think of it, you've said it far too many times already that you've lost count. We all know what it's like to feel left out like that and it sucks. It just so happens that some people can maneuver their way out of their own despondence—whereas others can't. The feeling is like being stuck in a maze without a solution. The labyrinths always changing, always morphing into something more difficult, always forcing you back to where you've started.

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The thing is, we were raised to believe that we were all born with some cosmic purpose in life that we have to figure out. Some destiny predetermined by an unknown almighty being that we will all end up in no matter what we do. Right? Right. But how sure are we with that? Believing that destiny is something that's laid out for you way before you were even born is pretty much as credible as a fortune cookie saying that your lucky number is 1 but only during a full moon on a Tuesday.

Sure, you're feeling lost now. Maybe you've been a lost soul far too long now. Your sunshine may not come now, maybe not even tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, or the next.

But it WILL.

If you keep building the bridges and making your connections that is.

You just have to remember that simply because you're moving much slower than anyone else, doesn't mean you'll never get there.

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Besides, who even said that the destination must be valued more than the journey itself? Sometimes it's not about getting to where you want to be, it's about ending up where you're supposed to be—whether that be the place where you intended to fall or not. Why don't you welcome the scenic route of your hustle with open arms? Why don't you just enjoy being lost? Branch out. Keep throwing your connections. Spin your intricate web of infinite outcomes.

Focus on yourself. Take that leap of faith. Travel. Discover. Fall in love. Take risks. You might be too busy attempting to find yourself in this fast-paced world that you become blind to the things that are right in front of you (which are sadly the most under appreciated). If you still can't find yourself after all this, then create your own destiny. It's that simple.

Embrace your impossible story. You're the one writing it after all. Make it good.

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About the author
Daryn Agapay
Candymag.com Correspondent
As a certified Candy Girl, I constantly push myself out of my comfort zone to experience all the adventure life can bring and to pour my heart out into everything I do. If I'm not writing, you may find me obsessing about cats, latte art, fashion, books, or french fries.
VIEW OTHER ARTICLES FROM Daryn

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Nicole Caluag 11 hours ago

5 Mystery-Thriller Novels to Read

If you’re stuck at home and out of Netflix shows to binge-watch, then you might want to try and read these mystery-thriller books to match your homemade Dalgona Coffee.

1. The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

The debut novel, and Goodreads Choice Awards Best Mystery & Thriller of 2019, follows Alicia Berenson, a well-known painter married to an esteemed fashion photographer. Life seemed perfect for Alicia, until one evening when she shot her husband five times, and… never spoke again.

2. Lock Every Door by Riley Sager

From the author of Final Girls comes this page turning novel about an infamous building in Manhattan called the Bartholomew. After stumbling upon an ad to become an apartment sitter, Jules Larsen has set out to look after apartment 12A under strict and somewhat odd conditions. Not long after stepping foot in the building, Jules has been met with unfriendly tenants, eerie noises in the apartment unit, and an abrupt departure of a fellow sitter named Ingrid.

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3. The Sun Down Motel by Simone St. James

If you loved Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho or David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, then this book is for you. After the disappearance of her Aunt Vivian while working as a night-shift clerk at the Sun Down Motel in 1982, Carly has set off to Fell NY, to work the same job at the same place as her Aunt had 35 years ago – with hopes of uncovering the truth lurking behind the Motel walls.

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4. Verity by Colleen Hoover

While known for Young-Adult Novels such as Slammed and Maybe Someday, Colleen Hoover offers readers a romantic thriller about Lowen Ashleigh, a struggling author who was given the opportunity to finish the three remaining novels of a successful series after its original author, Verity Crawford, suffered an accident and has become immobile. After receiving an invite at the Crawford manor to sort through Verity’s notes, Lowen discovers an unpublished autobiography revealing the truth about Verity. With the eerie atmosphere of having Verity confined in her own home, and who is seemingly aware of her surroundings, Lowen is certain Verity is not what she appears to be.

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5. Dark Matter by Blake Crouch

A mind-bending science fiction thriller from the best-selling author of Wayward Pines – Dark Matter is packed with the concept of the Multiverse and the philosophy of existentialism. The novel follows an ordinary Physics professor, Jason Dessen, who was looking forward to dinner with his family while walking the streets of Chicago. The next thing he knew, he was being held at gunpoint – by a man wearing a mask – and injected with an unknown drug and blacks out. When he regains consciousness, he learns that the world he woke up to was different from the world he knew.

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Here's a poem I wrote a while back reflecting on what it's like over-rationalize a simple thing like crushing on a dude -- hence, the title "Scientific Method"

Scientific Method

You were a phenomenon I cannot wrap my head around

When I first met you, my heart forgot to make its signature sound

And it's overwhelming, your presence;

And underwhelming, so science will be the only language I'll hide in-- For now.

Observation--

At first glance, I notice your top button unbuttoned,

and your shirt fully cotton

Complete with a smile as nervous as me

And a swagger in your step only I can see

Further on, I find your wit to be at a pace

That doesn't leave any space for tension to rise

and it's all too nice

And ridiculous and a bit too suspicious

That this isn't another (well,) circus.

Hypothesis--

Now, let's take a wild guess,

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Oh, but it has to be smart, yes,

That this could lead to something with potential

That this isn't another differential easily solved

With a formula, tried and tested but never evolved

Experiment--

For so long, we've both been independent of any dependent

Keeping our variables fixed and ourselves distracted

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With anything, everything,

But not a single thing

Could stop me from pushing this blindly to find its threshold,

Hoping that it's a quantity my hands could still hold

Over hours, days, and weeks

Through minor revisions and tweaks

Then comes the analysis -- that these weren't accidents

So, now I find myself in a conundrum

With the anomaly in a blue shirt right in front of me,

That this had to be processed logically,

But the findings are as follows:

None of which were shallow, so I therefore conclude that it's true,

I therefore conclude that it's you.

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Ancilla Diamante 12 hours ago

Mi Luna: The Light in My Dark Soul Locked in… Alone…

Why do I feel comforted by darkness? Oh cause maybe because… I am a jolly and very enthusiast kid back then. All I know is to have fun, laugh and play. But as I grow older, everything has changed, a lot. I can feel the changes. I know the more I get older, I’m turning to something I’m not. You know what, I just realized I like it even more. And that’s how I turned a monster. A monster to my own self. Always questioning life and even God about the things that are happening with my life. “Do I deserve this?”. Every day was a struggle. “Which mask should I wear now?”. And every night is my judgement time. “Should I still continue with my miserable life?”. This certainly sum up my whole life. I have this mindset since I was young. I can say that my experiences made me like this. I always want to escape, but every time I tried to pick up myself up, there is always shits that pulls me down. And there, I get tired. Hoping that no one would ever see this. As I despise myself as well. What I can do now is to just embraced everything, I just embraced darkness- reflecting my own self.

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“Look at the moon, it can shine alone and it can give us light at night.” A line I was keeping in my mind that a friend of mine helps me realize things and been there to fix my path. And there I started seeking for my moon but I do not know which part should I start. As days passed, I started to open up myself. I started to act as what truly inside me. It is very hard at first and there is this time that even the situation got worst. But as I continue exploring with my life, a question pop out on my head “Why did I still get this far?”, I can say that maybe I should do this, maybe I really can do this but it is myself who is holding me back because I’m afraid.

Now as far as I am trying to revive my soul, there I know that many people care. Yes, I learned to open up but not to all, on different situations there are people who can understand me because they have the same situation as I am. I learn to open up as long as they did not force me. I learned to navigate and open up for whom I trusted and at the same time when I am ready. The light that I am seeking is my own understanding and acceptance about myself. My light is myself and I am Mi Luna. So it is not too late to save myself. I have thought that, I should be a survivor and winner. That I should also be the ruler of my own mind and soul. Eliminate the room for darkness and let the light shine through you, that I can say how I earned myself again. Mi Luna’s darkness have turned to spotlight.

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