An Open Letter To The Guy Whose Heart I Broke
Do you remember the first time we exchanged 'I love you's? There was no truer feeling. It seemed impossible to me to deny the fact that we were meant to be. Your smile was all I could think about. You made my heart beat 50 times its speed. I dreamed about you—about living with you, marrying you, being with you forever.
But it was foolish of me to think that that almost-perfect feeling would always last. Of course we had our fair share of fights, of misunderstandings and miscommunication, as is the case with any relationship. But when it seemed like ours were getting too serious, too often, too repetitive, the doubts started coming more and more often. And that's when I realized that maybe our difference would never be reconciled.
I could've done something about it, I admit. If I had been more honest about my feelings, if I hadn't been so selfish to think that I could fix the feelings all on my own, if I told you that things were changing. I admit it was my fault. But these ifs have all come and gone, and I am left with facing the reality of these lost chances—I had fallen out of love with you.
I want to take the chance to apologize for breaking your heart the way I did. It was unfair for you. You thought nothing was wrong because all the conflict was going on in my heart. I convinced you that it was all okay, that the 'I love you's were the same, that the smiles were the same, the hugs and the kisses, but to me there was something different. It wasn't the same as before. It wasn't as sweet, it wasn't as sincere, the same amazing feeling wasn't there. But it definitely wasn't your fault.
As cliché as it sounds, it was me. I changed. I had started feeling different. And I had led you on for too long that things were okay, when they weren't. For that, I am sorry.
I'm sorry I had to hurt you. I'm sorry you were counting on me. I'm sorry you waited for me, you poured your heart out to me, you wrapped me in your arms with the same love as you always used to, you gave me all your time and effort. And I couldn't return them to you anymore like before. I'm sorry. But more than being sorry, I want to say thank you. I thank you for all the amazing memories—the dates, the talks, the gifts, the support, the love. Those were all genuine. Even if things are different now, I can never deny the reality of what our relationship was. It was true. It was happy. It was some of the best moments of my life really. And I did learn from it. I learned from you. Thank you for showing me how to love to begin with.
I cannot forgo how I feel, though. I cannot pretend like everything is okay, because it's not fair for you and it's not going to help me either. If I could turn back time and fix everything, I would. But I can't. I can only promise you that I will not make the same mistakes again. I can only assure you that I have changed for the better because of you and our experiences together. I can only wish the best for you—that you may find the one you're meant to be with, that you will find your true happiness. I know I can't help you and you may not be ready to love yet. But I really want the best for you. And this,right now, is what is best for you and for me.
I love you, but not like I used to. Once again, I'm sorry and I thank you. I cannot thank you enough, for everything.
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