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An Open Letter to the Guy Who Can Never Commit

Because I can't just wait around forever.
PHOTOS Majoy Siason and Mark Jesalva

I'm almost at my breaking point and I don't know how much longer I can take before I leave. It's not that I don't love you. You'd be mad to think that. I love you so much that I'm willing to give up anything and everything to call you mine. It's just that I'm so exhausted waiting for you to be ready to take the next step. We've been dating for some time now and yet not once have you ever acknowledged me as your girlfriend. You've played around with every single label I can think of, calling me your new acquaintance, an old friend, and when I'm lucky enough, you call me your best friend. It just hurts me every single time because it makes me think that I don't matter to you. Am I just the girl you keep because I'm willing to put up with this no labels thing? If so, then one foot of mine is already out of the door.

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Before I do anything rash though, I need to know why. Whenever I'd ask you, you'd dismiss it and say "I love you" thinking that could compensate for a real answer. So tell me, is it because you're still heartbroken? Are you still not over her? The girl who you was your heart's every desire but in a twist of things she was also the one who destroyed it? Ever since then, you've filled the holes in your broken heart with meaningless flings thinking you could replace this girl with a dozen more, but you never have. Every single deep wound in your heart has never truly healed. Instead what've been doing has made things worse. You've clogged your system to the point where it has created a shield around itself. If that's the case well I'm here now. I've been here for awhile and I can help you mend what's been broken. I'll stay with you until you're whole again and even beyond that, just let me in and let me call you mine alone.

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If it's not her, are you just using me as a filler for someone better? Am I not good enough for you that you're always on the lookout for the girl who's prettier, smarter, wiser, and stronger? It breaks my heart to even consider this, to think that I'm never going to be enough for you. Even if I was the most perfect person on the planet, you'd still put me aside and wait for someone else in the universe to take my place. I don't want to think of you in this light but my darling, sometimes I don't even know what to think anymore. Just because someone is better than me doesn't automatically mean that she is right for you. The best person for you isn't the one who you're with because they're the hottest new thing in town. The right girl for you is the one you choose everyday and who chooses you right back in good times and in bad. That's what makes a relationship so meaningful. Even when you're presented all these alluring temptations you still choose the person you're with out of love and respect for them. Is that not worth the risk of commitment?

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Maybe I'm wrong and you're not always looking for someone else. That leads me to another conclusion. Maybe you're just really cynical about relationships? Do you not believe in happy endings or even just the possibility of one? Well if that's really what you believe then why pursue anything serious when you can have all the parts of a relationship without the responsibility? You just want things easy. You don't want the heartache, the fights, the jealousy, or anything that comes with the downside of relationships. Is that bad? Not necessarily, but it is sad to think that you're so devoid of hope.

Whatever your reason is, I know that in the end you're just scared. Let me correct myself, you are downright terrified of me breaking your heart into a million pieces. I can't blame you for that because I don't know how this is even going to end but you can't live with that fear forever. How are you ever going to find a happy ending if you're not willing to step out of your comfort zone and take the risk? You're not the only one who's afraid here, I am too. I am so much more terrified than I am willing to admit. I'm scared that everything I've poured into this will be worthless but what separates you from me is that I'm willing to try. I'm willing to try because I love you so much. I love you so much that I'm willing to give anything and everything to make things work between us. I love you so much that you're the first thing I think about when I wake up and my last thought before I drift off to sleep. I love you so much that I just want you to find your happily ever after even if it's not with me but I am still hoping that I'm the princess in your fairytale.

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I can't promise you that being my boyfriend will be easy. In fact, it's going to be a long and difficult road. I can't promise you that we'll have a happy ending but I swear to you with the very fiber of my being that I will be worth the risk. I will love you, cherish you, and do everything in my power protect you from harm. I promise you that we can create something so beautiful and magical. Relationships can be beyond messy, unpredictable, and it entails a ridiculous amount of work but it can also be breathtakingly amazing. That's what people live and die for, those amazing moments with the person they are hopelessly in love with. These are the moments you'll play back in your head all the time, moments where you'll never have felt happier, moments that will be filled with so much more thrill and excitement, moments you will never be able to forget, moments so perfect you won't believe they're real, and moments you will never experience if you don't take the risk of finally choosing to be with me.

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If you tell me though, that you're still not ready, I need to leave. I know that you only have good intentions for me but this is too painful already. I am so exhausted waiting for something that doesn't seem to bear even a resemblance of something serious, something that will have a deeper and lasting meaning. I can't wait around forever for you to choose me. Don't mistake this though for giving up on us. I'm not giving up on you. I just know when enough is enough and I have enough love and respect for myself to walk away from you if you can't love me enough to take the risk. So, my darling, this is where it either ends or begins again. Are you willing to take the risk or should I just walk out the door?

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Danielle Bernabe
Candymag.com Correspondent
Whether it’s through books, fashion, a plane, or my own imagination, I’m always on an epic adventure. Sure, I get lost quite a lot but hey it always makes a great story!
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