An Open Letter to the Guy I Want to Start With All Over Again
It's 2 am and I'm still up thinking about you, about us. Well, at least what used to be "us." Time flies so fast—it's already been more than 2 years since we both walked out of each other's lives. I can't say that I regret it, us breaking up, because until now I still firmly believe it was the right thing to do. We needed time apart to figure out who we were without each other. Besides, at the end of it, we could hardly even call what we had a relationship. We were fighting too much and over the silliest things. We barely even wanted to be in the same room with one another. We had sadly grown to despise each other. I guess that's what I regret the most—our relationship ending the way it did. I regret letting the little things pile up and ruin us because, my darling, despite everything, I know that the love that we had was perfect.
In the beginning just like every relationship, ours was like a fairy tale. We had the perfect meet cute, the playful flirting stage, the most amazing first kiss, the sweetest dates, and so on and so forth. Being with you always felt magical. You never failed to be a prince straight out of a storybook. The only problem was we were too young and immature when we got together. We let the stupidest of things get in our way. We were toxic, crazy, clingy, jealous, and too absorbed in the relationship that we let our whole beings revolve solely around the relationship. We didn't give each other the time and space we needed to grow as individuals because before we could, we used what we had to define who we were. Looking back, I think it's because we lacked meaning in our lives and we thought that we could use this beautiful love that we had to fill in that empty gap. When we couldn't fill in that gap with our love, we lashed out at each other. We started to look at all the mistakes the other was making instead of focusing on what was wrong with us individually. We were so focused on trying to make each other the right person instead of being the right person. That was our fundamental problem. But here's the thing, we've individually grown now to be the right people for ourselves. Does that mean that just maybe, we could now be the right people for each other?
I know it's far-fetched, and maybe it's been too long to rekindle our relationship but I know in my heart that a spark can still light up that old flame. It's not yet too late. The love that we had for each other was right. We were perfect for one another. You were and are the yin to my yang. You brought happiness to me in the darkest of times. We taught each other how two imperfect souls can find each other and make something perfect.
I know it's so cheesy and cliché but I truly believe we just met at the wrong time. If we had met now when we were both mature and ready to face the real world problems life challenges us with, then maybe we'd still continue creating something wonderful. Even after everything that has happened between us, I am adamant about the fact that you are the one for me. I never stopped loving you. I never could because I knew that somehow, someday, I'll be able to find my way back to you. We crossed paths and went our separate ways. But I know that somewhere out there, our roads will intersect again and will then continue on to become a single path that stretches beyond the horizon.
So if you ever find yourself reading this, please know that there is nothing I want more in the world than to start all over again with you. But this time, I want to do things right. I want us to have the happy ending we both deserve.
I want to go back and say sorry for all the times I let my pride get in the way. I want to run to you and give you all the cuddles and kisses I should have given when I was mad at you. I want to dance with you in the rain. I want to go on crazy road trips with you again. I want to see you force yourself to laugh at my corny jokes. I want to see your name light up my phone in the dead of night just because you needed someone to talk to. I want to see your smile when life gets hard. I just really want you back and it's not just because I miss you. I want you back because you and I are endgame. As much as we try to deny it, deep down, you and I both know that.
I'm willing to wait for you too if you feel like you still need the time to grow. I'll wait. I'll wait and watch a thousand moons if it means that in the end, you'll be mine again. You're worth the wait, my darling. I'm not going to be stupid and give up on a love like this. I won't run away from something that feels so right. I'll stay. So what do you say? Is it time to try this all over again?