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An Open Letter To My Ex-Best Friend

Because you meant a great deal to me and I miss you terribly.
PHOTOS The CW (Gossip Girl)

I am very thankful that you were my first friend in college. I believe that our friendship was inspired by the fact that we were both far from home and everything that we have ever known. Unsure and scared of what was going to happen, we ventured into the unknown together. Of course, as my first friend in college, I was excited to spend this new beginning with you.

As we adjusted to the highs and lows of university life, we were simply compelled to seek each other's comfort and help. It's always nice to have a friend to share these life experiences with because you know that they perfectly understand. We spent days and nights, talking. We tried so hard to squeeze in 16 years worth of life stories in one conversation because that's how much we trust each other. Then, the inevitable happened. We became best friends.

Unfortunately, life isn't always what you expect it to be. Here's the sad thing about friendships–even the best of friends can drift apart. We were best friends for two incredible years and then we just stopped talking. Maybe it was really just the fear of being alone in a new place that brought us together. Once the fear settled, we became too complacent with the changes. We are now brave enough to walk alone. We no longer need a companion.

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They say that best friend breakups are worse than actual breakups. Okay, maybe that part is a little debatable but hey, I believe that I’m entitled to feel this way. This was the girl that stayed up late just to listen to my boring anecdotes and musings. This was a different kind of heartbreak–something that a pint of chocolate ice cream or a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon cannot simply fix. 

To my ex-best friend, thank you. Thank you for comforting me when I cried over a failed Math exam. Thank you for enthusiastically engaging in my never-ending discussions about why Zac and Vanessa should get back together. Thank you for always telling me the truth even when it hurt. I’ve always admired your candor. When I told you that I wanted to write for a living and you said that I should do it–thank you for believing in me. I will always carry our friendship in my heart and you are greatly appreciated. 

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A friendship doesn’t have to last a lifetime for it to be meaningful. Best friends forever? Nah, we made no such promise. But the memories we created were enough to change me for the better. 

To my ex-best friend who I miss dearly, I wish you all the great things in life. Don’t forget to make awesome memories with your new bestie!

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About the author
Sheena Concepcion
Candymag.com Correspondent
I'm a Candy Girl because I believe in myself and I am not afraid to try out new things!
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If you know me, and know me well, I am not the biggest fan of idyllic lifestyles. With a Type A personality, I act immediately upon whatever challenge that needs to be addressed. I actually enjoy keeping my mind preoccupied: doing university work in my favourite cafe then running errands around town, grocery shopping here, updating my accounts there, photocopying documents on the way down the street - all just in time before having a glass of champagne at the bar with my friends come evening.

And so, you could imagine my bewilderment when the next challenge to be faced was an extensive self-quarantine protocol. I didn’t know what to do when my greatest responsibility in this situation was to do nothing at all. My first few attempts to combat my consternation were very much rooted in distraction and imagination. My distractions involved conducting research, writing songs, calling family and friends, filming videos, and eating chocolate! My imaginations and fantasies were centred on travelling, shopping, even clubbing (which I rarely do) for when they find a cure to COVID-19. I did anything and everything that could be considered constructive in order to pass the time, mainly hoping I could just undertake the basic human necessities to survive - that is, eat and sleep the day through - until the next day comes, until the world is closer to becoming a better place, until quarantine ends, until my flight follows through, until I see my family and friends again.

Days in self-isolation and suspended flights turned to weeks and turned to months. By the third extension here in Spain where I study Fashion Business, I had to tell myself this shall be my new normal now, that I was blessed to be healthy, that I was tired of merely existing and missed what it was like to actually live - even if just within four walls. Little by little, I began to find significance in the simple occurrences of the day: the soft glare of the rising sun beaming golden streaks through my bedroom window upon waking up, the fragrance of freshly washed bed sheets that I had painstakingly hung to fit a relatively small clothes rack without crumpling them, the crunch and tanginess of warm toasted bread topped with raspberry marmalade, the buzzing sound of a phone call from home just waiting to be answered, to the caress of a fuzzy sweater to keep warm at night. I realised, “What pleasures to be enjoyed in the pause of slow living!” Through this continued pause, which I loathed at first, I began to appreciate each moment of the day rather than wish it would pass more swiftly, moments I had overlooked so often before the lockdown. I started to find that the challenge of self-isolation was never to pause both the regular routines of life as well as the positive emotions that came with these - as initially, I thought it meant to pause all happiness, so as to withstand a time of endurance in hopes for a better tomorrow, much like a form of delaying gratification. Life is just too fragile these days to delay gratification any further.

Life has paused, but it has not stopped. Believe that like any punctuation mark in a sentence, the pause will provide the right timing of things to take place. Till then, let us not waste our time waiting. Instead, we could be in the moment, seek substance in simplicity (that is, in what we already have), And enjoy the pleasure in pause. “Practice the Pause. When in doubt, pause. When angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause. And when you pause, pray.”

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